THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN BUY STUFF!!!
I’m not even mad at George Lucas any more. He’s successfully divorced me from all personal ownership or warm feelings I had towards Star Wars and turned the franchise into this weird, abstract pop-culture punchline. No other film or series of films have managed to remain in a constant state of flux like Star Wars has. Lucas should just append the word “beta” at the end of each title. Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back v. 4.38 beta. Fuck, maybe we’re still in the alpha releases and our grandkids will be the first to run a stable Star Wars build. Either way, I’ve quit my job as a beta tester. I’m bored with having my fandom experimented on.
I hope, just for giggles, Lucas replaces Yoda’s voice with the sound of air escaping a ballon, and replaces every instance of Kiera Knightley/Amidala with Natalie Portman/Amidala and vice versa. You know, just to do it. Maybe by the time the whole series is released on holographic suppository, he’ll have done the fans a favor and digitally added a thousand sand-piranha that are constantly eating Jar Jar’s flesh in every scene.
- Compare the new CGI Yoda from the Blu-Ray Star Wars Episode One with the original puppet
- Darth Vader will lose a little more of his dignity in Star Wars original trilogy Blu-rays. Listen for yourself!
- Goddammit, George… NO!
- Why you won’t be able to make your own Star Wars movie until 2072
UPDATE:
- George Lucas’s 1988 Speech About Preserving Films, and Maybe Not Adding a Bunch of CGI Shit to Them
- More Changes to the Star Wars Original Trilogy on Blu-Ray, Including the Attack on the Death Star!
