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Habeas Jennifer’s Corpus
Every night Josh cooks 6 pounds of bacon and reads aloud from the NecroOmNomNomicon.
If you get the reference in this comic it must be because you (like me) have seen the trailers for Jennifer’s Body, because apparently no one saw the actual movie. Megan Fox is an attractive young lady, but other than that she’s shit-cocking insane. She’s been dating Brian Austin Green from Terminator: 90210 The High School Years and told Rolling Stone that the reason she will never buy a gun is that she’d definitely shoot him with it. I wonder if he started wearing full Kevlar body armor after that article came out. She also uses gypsy magic to keep airplanes from falling out of the sky. So what I’m saying is that she’s s winner. Not a “thankless, unfriendly bitch” as former coworlkers have said. No sir. She’s a winner through and trough.
On a “things I can actually recommend you checking out” note, two of my webcomicing friends Bill Barnes (of Unshelved) and Paul Southworth (of Ugly Hill and You Are Dead) have activated their webcomic wonder twin powers and created a new comic call Not Invented Here. Programmers and coders should be instantly familiar with the title and thus most of the subject matter. That’s not to say non-programmers won’t get the jokes (but you won’t). Bill is the king of niche webcomics that only make sense to 1 out of every 150,000 people. And Paul is the king of drawing 150,000 times better than Bill. Together they can’t be stopped.
That’s enough good will. Here’s an ad for my book. Looks like it will be shipping when I return from Baltimore Comic-Con.
Related posts
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:05 am
I think NecroOmNomNomicon is my new favorite word.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:06 am
Is Josh salting his bacon?
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:09 am
are you NOT?
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:12 am
I'm one of a handful of straight men who openly admit to not finding Megan Fox attractive. I think we need to create a support group.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:13 am
I occasionally salt my soy based bacon substitute.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:15 am
Oh god. The pink daisy mitten….It's like unspeakable horror with a side of the most freaking cute thing ever.
I mean, you could have made him eat bacon kittens and given the same reaction. Only then PETA would be bangging down your door.
I still don't understand the Megan Fox obsession everyone seems to have. I don't find her that attractive, and when I look at her, she gives me the freaking creeps. Your post has verified my spidey-senses.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:23 am
Hear hear!
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:23 am
I….honestly didn't think your kind existed.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:30 am
Just don't tell Josh about the chocolate bacon they were serving at the Western Fair.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:40 am
Yes. I suppose being attracted to personality puts me in this catagory…and, well, Megan Fox is kinda like the Dollar Tree version of Barbie (I call her "Sad Sack Sally" ™).
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:13 am
That is a perfectly natural way to eat bacon. It needs baconaise and bacon salt though…
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 am
Haha, this is really great. Bonus points for the oven mit.
I just watched Jennifer's Body and while it wasn't a terrible movie the trailer and the first two minutes give away the entire plot. I might have enjoyed it better if I didn't know exactly what was going to happen through the whole thing.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:30 am
Thank you for this comic and your post. Jennifer's Body looks like the single most terrible movie that has come out in the last month.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:11 am
I bet it's bacon flavored salt.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:15 am
Mmmm creepy Megan Fox…..mmmm bacon wrapped kitties. Hmmm perhaps I am possessed by a demon as well.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:25 am
Agreed!
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:25 am
I prefer to sugar mine. Then dip in chocolate.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:25 am
Yeah they always call Megan Fox the new Angelina Jolie and I never had much respect for Jolie's acting ability but Megan Fox's has the acting ability of a retarded 6 yr. old.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:26 am
"It's like unspeakable horror with a side of the most freaking cute thing ever."
I believe you've just defined "Josh."
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:27 am
Seems to be making the state fair rounds. Was here in MN, too.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:29 am
xD
As I have never met the myth, I refuse to pass judgment.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:30 am
Bacon wrapped kittens sounds like an emo bad. xD
Do…do you need an exorcism?
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:32 am
"but Megan Fox's has the acting ability of a retarded 6 yr. old. "
I may have pulled something laughing. Thanks!
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:25 am
Has Josh ever tried Bacon Lube, it’s real and in your stores now.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:13 pm
+1
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 am
What happened to the podcast?
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:23 pm
So if you read the NecroOmNomNomicon out loud do beacon wrapped zombie pigs rise from the grave?
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:24 pm
If only she possessed some acting ability.
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:53 pm
I pray someone has informed Josh of the slightly unsettling glory that is "Baconnaise"
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Seconded. Never found anyone attractive in a movie just because of their body, but I'm also of the sad minority that objects to porn mixed judiciously with my drama (why I have a hard time watching the first season of BSG)…
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I kinda want to see this movie, but mostly in the dollar-theater/drive-in-movie sense. I hear it's Juno dialogue mixed with mostly shitty horror. It's funny but I thought Juno's dialogue was GENIUS the first time I watched it. Within 2 minutes of my second viewing I had changed my mind. Still a good movie but really, it gets a little annoying hearing the characters yammer on in kitschy semi-hipster dialogue.
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:11 pm
kinda makes you wonder how Diablo Cody got that Best Writing Oscar, huh? Seeing as she's a former stripper, I suspect some back-door, under-the-table (wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say-no-more) deals were made.
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Josh doesn't eat chocolate. (the /horror/)
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Joel:
I regularly visit 10 webcomics, some of them update everyday, some mon-wed-fri. Some are gaming, some are humor, some are drama.
You sir, made a comic that is my all time Favorite!
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Jennifer's Body? ohhhhh, now i get it. her evil spirit possessed succubus body is what the movie is about. Ahhh, well now thats a horse of a different color. J@#!$ C#@($# (I think i just went blind in my left ear)
Sadly, i watched the trailer.
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:35 am
I am one of the non straight women who also do not find Megan Fox attractive. I think she looks like stretched leather.
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:06 am
I almost read that as "bacon-wrapped titties". Actually that would go a long way in making Megan Fox attractive to me.
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:10 am
I love !horrified! Joel's expression in panel 3. I can almost hear him whimper the last word of dialog.
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:20 pm
if you go into it understanding that the same kitschy semi-hipster dialogue is going to be present, it actually becomes a pretty funny movie. I loved it, but in more of a "i know who killed me" type of way. Diablo Cody's writing style has almost become self satirical in this go around, and its a lot of fun to watch, imho.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:34 pm
You know, I was thinking of reviewing that movie on my site, but then I realized I'd have to WATCH it. Plus, there is no way in hell I'm contributing to the box office sales of that piece of crap (and the movie that piece of crap is in).
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Worst part of the trailer, hands down?
"I thought you didn't eat girls!"
"I GO BOTH WAYS."
Ugh.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:42 pm
That's the thing, isn't it? I'm a girl and while I am in general not a big fan of the "perfect" skinny actress, I have more respect for those kinds of actresses when they have some intelligence, personality and maybe even some thoughtfulness for other people. Megan Fox doesn't really exude any of those things, does she?
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:44 pm
I like frying bacon, then caramelizing sliced onions in the bacon fat. IF you do this, however, make sure to keep the heat low or the fat will burn.
Can you tell I'm in culinary school? We've had multiple discussions with our chefs about the magic of bacon.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:45 pm
oh boy! the magic of bacon? josh would be happier to get a pass to one of those discussions than getting a box of bacon, the complete guitar hero collection and his own webcomic spinoff!(hint)
September 24th, 2009 at 2:07 am
Would give a whole new meaning to "porking."
September 24th, 2009 at 2:08 am
Just watch it "online somewhere."
September 24th, 2009 at 2:41 am
Where can I get my copy of the NecroNomNomNomicon? ANy blood sacrifice involved?
September 24th, 2009 at 2:44 am
I wait 'till my bacon's off the pan before I pour salt on it. And only 4 slices a time to save room for other fine pig products
September 24th, 2009 at 2:49 am
Maybe it's just the material she's given. Tryin' 2 hard 2 act slutty, which begs the ?: is Daiblo Cody STILL in High school? And when did people start talking like that?
September 24th, 2009 at 2:55 am
Jolie: heavily tattoo-ed, screaming psycho-bitch who's geek cred is playing Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider movies
Fox: medium tattoo-ed, vacant-eyed slut who's geek cred id playing the male fantasy object in the Transformers movies
Is that a valid comparison?
September 24th, 2009 at 3:22 am
The podcast is on hiatus while Joel finishes up the book Hijinks Ensue Vol. 1 Godspeed You Fancy Bastard. Preorder yours today for the low low price of $20! Yes you heard me correct. For only $20 you too can own a book of the greatest comedic art known to mankind!
<a href="http://store.hijinksensue.com/category/books” target=”_blank”>http://store.hijinksensue.com/category/books
We now return you to your regularly scheduled commenting.