The 1984rity Report
Buy a Signed Print of This HijiNKS Ensue Comic
October 15th, 2008

The 1984rity Report

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Bill Barnes tweeted a… tweet twat that gave me the idea for this comic.

billba Super annoying because there are 1680 & 1920 15″ screens out there. 1440 isn’t very “Pro” to we graphics professionals.

He has a point. Another point is that after seeing the new Macbooks/ Macbooks Pro I hate my 1st gen Macbook Pro and want a new one. Another another point is that it will always be this way because Apple is in the business of constantly one upping themselves hardware-wise in terms of performance and coolness. That’s just the nature of the brushed aluminum beast.

I will say that I really do prefer my matte screen to the glassy shiny ones. I will most likely buy another Apple laptop between now and the end of time, so I guess I’ll have to adapt.

The fervor that Apple invokes from it’s flock (myself included) tends to make one feel guilty when criticizing their products. As if I somehow don’t have the right to dislike a choice they’ve made. That’s class-A zombification there. It makes me joyfully sad to admit that.

There’s going to be a part 2 to this comic on Friday. We’ll see where the nice men in black turtle necks take Joel and what they do to him there. Should be fun.

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^ 36 Comments...

  1. kristiaan

    I should have noticed the black turtlenecks right off the bat. Do you suppose they have a uniform at Apple HQ? Or, is it more likely that no one dares wear a black mock turtleneck for fear of what the great and powerful Jobs would say?

  2. Sean

    Pronounced "apple opps", correct? I like it!

  3. Sean

    1) Ooh…continuity! Not sure how to react to this…
    2) Missed the Kool-Aid Man…again? Might need a retcon here.
    3) A "tweet twat"? Is that half of the required equipment for tweet reproduction?
    4) Keep the "xyz-splode"s coming!

  4. doug

    Aww, lookit bereft-Josh in the last panel – sweet!

  5. Orf

    Missed the Kool Aid man?

    OOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOO!

  6. Hobbesie

    Love the "wallsplode" in panel three!

  7. FrakTruck

    oh my god the last panel made me explode in joyus laughter

  8. quoteguy

    "wallsplode" is pretty frickin funny!

  9. za4ra4

    i like the think different halo. that made me lol

  10. John Darc

    Josh and Joel aren't gonna end up in Swedish prison again, are they?

    Cause if it's a Mac prison this time, it'd be an EXPENSIVE prison.

  11. amandrynorange

    OH YEAH!

  12. Hoskh

    Great comic. Right there with ya' on the glossy screens. Also don't care for the keyboards, but like you, I suppose I'll adapt.

  13. Troy

    Kool-Aid Man must be made out of pure diamonds. He certainly ain't glass, busting through walls all over the place. Imagine if you could take him down, you'd be set for life! But, just what do you use to kill a giant pitcher made out of diamond? Maybe you just have to tip him over and spill out all his blood, I mean sugar water?

    1) Build tippable platform into floor.
    2) Shout "Hey, Kool-Aid!"
    3) ???
    4) Profit!

  14. Gabe Jamison

    Eli…that's awesome. I lol'd in my pants.

  15. Link Life

    Until I read the newspost accompanying it, I assumed this comic was the backstory for the Macromancer.

  16. Dram

    Oh yeah!

  17. Dram

    Awesome comic. Maybe it would have been even funnier if the AppleOPs beat Joel to a bloody pulp, and Eli wasn't just referring to the hole, but the red stains!

  18. Dean

    I concur. It would be awesome to see a shark thrown through a wall – "sharkwallsplode"!

  19. Shakey

    "Shirtsplode" or "Chestsplode"?

    How about a Geeksplosion shirt? Would have to be double-sided though – turn the montage into a movie poster for the front and the synopsis on the back…

  20. Shakey

    "In a world of tyranny, one man dared to question Their Design. He failed. Through reprogramming and and reconditioning, he now works for Them. Joel Watson is no more. He is now…

    …The Macromancer"

  21. Shakey

    And if I ever get to play Mage: The Ascension again I'm SO creating a Virtual Adept with that name!

  22. Rerun

    iPrison…

  23. Rerun

    Yeah, great unexpected reference Joel…

  24. Mysterioustree

    Hey Koolaid!

  25. santy

    with iPhones insted of the regular old phones for visits!

  26. santy

    that's for the lulz record…. or "wallarksplode"

  27. hijinksensue

    twat is the past tense plural infinitive.

  28. hijinksensue

    I think he's only sad because I owed him $4 for lunch.

  29. hijinksensue

    They have those, but the battery life sucks.

  30. hijinksensue

    Brushed aluminum is MUCH stronger than plywood and cardboard.

  31. hijinksensue

    Oh man, the keyboard is one thing I LOVE. I use the external one on my laptop because I can type 100 times faster on it.

  32. hijinksensue

    I would assume that about 97% of apple employees never see Steve Jobs. I just shipped a roslin shirt to their headquarters… I bet Steve wont get a glimpse of it.

  33. hijinksensue

    I was typing "shirtsplode" when I saw this.

  34. doug

    The greatest sadness of all!

  35. AmazingAdrian

    Why not make a "Shirtsplode!" shirt? A stylized explosion on the front with the comic book sound effect. And on the back include the URL of Hijinks Ensue or something. Could be one of your cheaper "stock" shirts for the fans!

  36. colindean

    I would love to see a shirt with WALLSPLODE on it

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