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EMAIL JOEL
Quantum of Sholace
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Of course I have no proof, but I assume when Sir Sean Connery the video for the new Quantum of Solace theme song, “Another Way to Die,” by Jack White and Alicia Keys he was upset to say the least. It doesn’t feature horns, sultry singing, guns pointed at the camera, blood running down the screen or girls in gogo boots. I’m sure he considered it a problem, and like any problem it can be solved one of two ways. By slapping the shit out of it or shagging it until it shuts up. He tried the former, to no avail, so he moved on to the latter. Seems to have worked like a charm.
Originally I was going to have him dig through a box of swords looking for just the right one to cleave the offending video in twain, but then I though, “NO! HE FUCKS THE TV! IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!”
I seriously have no idea what I was thinking. I do remember asking myself, “I wonder how many other cartoonists are drawing a post-techno-coitus Sean Connery right now.”
As for the song itself, I like it. It sounds like The White Stripes (imagine that) with better drumming and Alicia Keys on guest vocals. I always enjoy what Jack White tries to pass off as a guitar solo. It’s like he gets a fork tangled in his strings before he plugs in his amp, and the solo is the sound of his efforts to remove the extraneous cutlery.
A side note: in trying to write dialog in Sean Connery’s accent I think I invented LOLCONNERY-Speak.
So what do you guys think of the song? Good song? Good bond theme? Both? Neither? What was the BEST bond theme?
Tags: 007, celebrities, james bond, movies, music, quantum of solace, sean connery
October 1st, 2008 at 11:08 am
Well this explains the tweets! Excellence. I can't tell if I revere or fear naked liver spotted Connery, but I cam certainly entertained.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:08 am
What I love most about this is the Dr. Horrible reference.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:21 am
The Penis Mightier!
October 1st, 2008 at 11:36 am
shlap! Love it.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:42 am
So how long did it take to sound out the accent and figure out the spelling? As always, HE brightens my day.
October 1st, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Naa, he's going to take "TheRapist" for $400
October 1st, 2008 at 12:22 pm
amen to the Capt. hammer reference!
October 1st, 2008 at 1:10 am
The song is good when they aren't singing.
Not really a bad song. But not james bond theme song calibre.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:24 am
I wonder is Sheryl Crow felt the wrath of his shword* also?
*The shword is his penis.
October 1st, 2008 at 1:54 am
How long did it take to type in Connery speak?
October 1st, 2008 at 2:00 am
It depensh on how mucsh time you have to shpend
October 1st, 2008 at 2:22 am
But the sword is good and the penis is evil!
October 1st, 2008 at 2:36 am
The one thing I'm confused about is the background, in the last panel. What is that?
October 1st, 2008 at 3:24 am
Huh, I just noticed that. Maybe the virility of his shword has shaken the time-space continuum.
October 1st, 2008 at 4:40 am
I think he's wielding his sword on top of a skyscraper, or perhaps a helicopter with the side open. It would be fitting, I suppose.
October 1st, 2008 at 4:55 am
Doncha mean "Connery-shpeak"?
October 1st, 2008 at 4:56 am
A sh-what?
October 1st, 2008 at 4:56 am
Yeah, love the liver spots. Very Ren & Stimpy close-up-ish.
October 1st, 2008 at 5:00 am
Sometimes proportional spacing in newspapers and magazines makes for giggly reading.
October 1st, 2008 at 5:02 am
After making sweet Scottish love to the TV, do you think Connery yelled, "There can be only one!"?
October 1st, 2008 at 11:46 am
I think this is what it might of sounded like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hxs2D0wLD8g&fe...
PS cant wait till the sex tape comes out comes out in Febtober
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:04 am
I really like the song, but Alicia's no Shirley Bassey. And I know that I'll have a hard time not saying "One ticket for 'Quantum of Sholace, pleash". Damn you, Joel.
October 2nd, 2008 at 8:14 am
From Tomorrow Never Dies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_K-sE8gy4c
October 1st, 2008 at 8:39 am
I'm not usually one to post comments, but I had to for today's comic.
I laughed until I cried and stumbled with the breathing mechanisms.
I went about my day as normal, but having flashbacks to this comic, and couldn't function for several, even so far as not being able to drive
kudos to you man, this round goes to you
October 1st, 2008 at 8:43 am
In the garden of good and penis?
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:24 am
that was awesome.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:25 am
so TV fucking is a thing?
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:25 am
I like the piano bits in the song but her vocals dont meld well with jacks.
October 2nd, 2008 at 9:26 am
You'll also have to refer to the lady at the ticket counter as "Misshy."
October 1st, 2008 at 10:14 am
"That's 'Therapist', you moron."
lol, love those SNL sketches.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:20 am
I love the first panel. The descriptions of Keys and White are amazing.
Also, the background in the fourth panel confuses the shit out of me. Connery's house is a mansion on a golf course, but his bedroom is in a crack house? Well, maybe there's just more to Sean Connery than any of us realize.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:56 am
I was thinking of those exactly when I did that. I could have made it grosser.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:57 am
I was hoping you guys was catch that.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:58 am
Thanks! I talk like that half the time any way, so not long at all. I actually toned it back a bit after the first draft was incomprehensible. "Penish" just doesnt make any sense when read.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:59 am
Im inclined to agree, but I think they are trying to reinvent what it means to be a bond theme.
October 1st, 2008 at 10:59 am
Did she do a bond song?
October 1st, 2008 at 10:59 am
CORRECT!
October 1st, 2008 at 11:00 am
LOL
October 1st, 2008 at 11:00 am
It was the last thing I did and I put too many filters on it. Now its changed.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:01 am
Ash Shphincter saysh what?
October 1st, 2008 at 11:01 am
Scottish love is anything but sweet. Bludgeoning is involved.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:02 am
Glad to no my sleep deprived stupors are benefiting someone.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:04 am
Thanks for the high praise. If you do die in a car crash thinking about this comic, please dont scrawl my url in blood on the dash.
October 1st, 2008 at 11:04 am
ugh. its changed now. It didnt turn out how I wanted it to originally but I wanted to get the comic up.
October 2nd, 2008 at 11:24 am
Lulz. Connery-shpeak ftw! I just turned to my partner-in-crime and asked, "Did you shee the new HE for today? It'sh verra funny shtuff!" He went, "Buh?"
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:41 am
Let's not forget about "Anal Bum Cover".
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:31 am
Ah, it IS a bedroom!
heh
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:38 am
No Bond theme could ever beat Moby's remake.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P79cVnDmzB0
October 2nd, 2008 at 1:40 am
That's OK, he probably wouldn't say "penish" anyway – it'd be more like "pen-nis".
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:16 am
in the last panel i'm reminded of a diggnation episode when alex pops out with the immortal line "If i buy that TV, I can fuck that TV". Classy stuff. good work joel!
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:19 am
The song would be great, if you rewrote the chorus, and removed Ms Keys.
Preferably with a pickaxe.
Though, in saying that, having her there is basically the only link the song has to a bond theme. She, therefor, may need replacing after said axing.
October 1st, 2008 at 6:03 am
My girlfriend and I both chuckled. Glorious!
October 2nd, 2008 at 6:26 am
I like the song. It feels like a Bond theme song to me.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:13 am
Looks a lot better. More like Sean Connery's bedroom (I would know?), and less like a roach-y motel (I would know.).
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:06 am
It seems ok until you hear Shirley Bassey again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_UOJ0sHkl4&fe...
Damn that was good.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:34 am
oh come on… everybody does it, they just don't talk about it!
October 4th, 2008 at 2:12 am
My favorite:
Alex: "This is the sound a doggy makes"
Sean: "Moo."
A: "That is incorrect"
S: "Well that's the sound your mother made last night!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I believe the category is actually "S Words"
June 15th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
[...] EMAIL JOEL first ◄► [...]
August 14th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
I love the Dr. Horrible reference.