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Way deep!
Disney owns a movie review show called “At the Movies with Ebert and Roeper.” This year they decided not to renew Roeper’s contract, and in turn Ebert quit (which is odd considering he hasn’t appeared on the show in 2 years do to health problems). So what? Disney is continuing the show without them.
WTF Mickey? It’s not like I have any personal feelings for the show. I am being very serious when I say that there is NO reason to sit through a 30 minute program just to hear what two guys think about 4 movies when you can get on the internet and read 10 or 15 unbiased reviews of ANY movie in 2-3 minutes. The show was a dinosaur. Cancel it. Who cares? But to continue the property without the talent for whom it is named just seems pointless. Is there really so much value in the name “At The Movies“? Did anyone even know that was the show’s name, or did they think it was called “Ebert and Roeper“? Before this incarnation, did anyone know the actual name of the show with “Siskel and Ebert“?
I have a better idea. Wipe the slate clean and call your new show “Two Random Shit Grins Enthusiastically Endorse Movies That Are Owned by The Walt Disney Corporation and/or its Affiliates for 30 Minutes“. Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it? Honestly I put zero stock in the words of any mainstream reviewer. There’s a reason these idiots call “National Treasure 2: The Receding Hairline of Doom” “Breathtaking” and “Action Packed!” These are the same fuck factories that tried to convince an unassuming geek populace to see “Indianna Jones and the Curse of the Fallen Franchise” by calling it “Thoroughly Viewable!” and “Wonderfully Available!”
UPDATE: Ebert Blogs about his departure.
Tags: ebert and roeper, movies
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February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Indeed! It is the winningest line in the comic.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Honestly, I'd have to throw down my own Girl/Gay/Musical Lover Card for Mamma Mia!
What can I say? I love dancey Swedish pop and feel good movies.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I'm sure they're just keeping that show around to help all the septuagenarians out there make SOME kind of informed decision before they venture out to the movies. At their age, they can't afford to go to something not enjoyable, not with their fixed income and whatnot.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I assume you're hoping for computer or gaming geekery, but there are other subgenres of geeks to appease.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I try to avoid reviews altogether, whether online or on TV or otherwise. I try to avoid word-of-mouth as well, though I will say that this is generally the most reliable kind of review. But really, I'd rather just see it myself and make my own opinions without outside interference.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
It's time to break up with her. She's a whore anyway. You know what I'm talking about. Move on.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"Wonderfully Available" – WTF kind of criticism is that? lol
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
First thoughts: "Tumbs" "staring" and "sex in the city/sex AND the city". is that supposed to be Eli not knowing what the movie is even called cause he cares so little for it?
Also, they replaced Roeper and guest with two douches. One is from E!, and the other guy, well he's from TCM, so maybe not horrible.
edit: I did enjoy watching At The Movies. Sometimes, I like to hear what they think, and they've even had Kevin Smith on there before.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
What they should do is replace Ebert and Roeper with two frat boys and a keg. It'd be the same level of usefulness, but a tidbit more entertaining.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"Yo, bro, Hottie and the Nottie was GREAT. That chick was all busted, but then that ho Paris made her all nice. I give it two bones up!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Ummm, last posts have some kind of lack of "geekness" to me…..
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"So I saw Dark Knight, and then went out and saw they made Batman comic books! No effin' way! Awesome! So I picked one up, and it didn't have the Joker in it at all, and shit wasn't blowing up! What the fuck? Super lame, broham. The Grant Morrison dude writing it should stop. He sucks. Put Michael Bay in there so we can get some explosions and shit!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"Sarah Jessica Horse Face and her gaggle of menopausal harpies" pure genius!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
*throws down Girl Card
The Sex and the City movie was actually pretty good.
*scampers away
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
There is no such thing as an unbiased review of a work like a movie, or a video game, or photo, etc.
Did you mean that the people at rottentomato.com weren't getting kickbacks for writing good reviews? Because I'm sure that's going to happen eventually.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"That would totally make my summer, bra, even though Dad's making me work at the dealership."
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I thought Mama Mia was great, at least that's what my girlfriend told me I thought after we got done seeing it and not the new Batman last Saturday night
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"But he's giving you that one week off, right? My homeboy Big Dawg got his parents' condo in VA Beach. We're gonna go mad crazy with some Jaeger bombs an' bitches an' shit!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Check out rottentomatoes.com. They don't review themselves, they link to a hoard of reviews from all over. I think he meant that you could find lots of reviews in one place.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Also it would air on Spike.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I guess I cant please all the geeks all the time.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
In all fairness, that was the original tagline for the movie.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Which is probably what the REAL Josh would have to say about it as well.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
It's user submitted reviews so its as close to unbiased as you are going to find. No one's pockets are being lined by the studios. Sure, the reviewers are biased based on their own likes and dislikes, but you can generally tell if it's a reviewer that you are inclined to agree with based on their comments. Let's say it's a "more honest" review.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
It'd wind up being a voiceover played over videos of explosions and girls in bikinis on trampolines.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Way to take one for the team. I salute you with the Bat Signal.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
The blood leaking from your brain out of your ear probably helped declare how great it was afterwards.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Yeah, if RealJosh (TM) didn't like SATC, we might have to take away his Gay Card.
Or Girl Card.
Whichever.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
hahahahahaha!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
And it would have to have Dr. Drew on it doing special segments.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Isn't that her actual name? Or at least a police description?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Haha, very well played…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
You need to find a good geek girl. We actually like cool movies.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I'm calling you out, you're in fact a fat 30 year old white guy sitting in his moms basement aren't you.
Geek girls are a cruel myth set to taunt us poor geeks from now until the end of time.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
These Girl / Gay cards are they a subscription service or are they handed out in some elaborate right of passage ceremony because they sound useful.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Well, he watches Desperate Housewives, so Im pretty sure hes safe.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
This is unforgivable.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Unfortunately, I have to rely heavily on trusted review sources because with a small child and few baby sitting options we only get to see about 1 movie a month. I have to choose wisely.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
You cant sign up. You have to be asked by a current card carrying member. Or your dad has to be one. Like the Skull and Bones.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Not so fast. I've known at least 5.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Similar to "Shot on Film!" and "Features Acting!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
They'd really rather stay home and watch home videos on their 27" black and white Magnavox console TV.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I'd like to know one… but she must agree with all of my geek opinions!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Sponsored by Maxim. "The magazine for people who who hate words."
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
ah damn. I was really looking forward to that moment…
hmm hairy men, wearing leather with big 'tashes and heavy house music playing, time to play the gay card
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Umm… I happen to be a cardholding member of Geek Girls R Us. I have a palm pilot and every episode of MST3K ever. The trouble is, most of the male geeks I know have no respect at all for the female geek lineage. Just sayin is all. I went to see Batman by myself because all the male geeks I know were too busy playing WoW. Geeks are so damn antisocial.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
See that's the problem. Geek to Geek contact is so rare because everybody's off doing their own geeky thing.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Just head down to your local steel mill. they work hard, they play hard.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I blow hot&cold (!) over that show. It can be wonderfully evil and funny, and then it can be a dull soap opera.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Maybe for straights. Y'all get a pass with, say, Steven Seagal movies. We queers get to like any musical; no questions asked.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I _hope_ you saw Hairspray.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
That's what we do when we "recruit." The cards we hand out are so fabulous few can turn them down.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
No, but we hide when our combo of gaming skills, comic reading and boobs proves too much for the average unsocialized geek boy.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
*sigh*
I have never seen a single episode of Sex in the City, nor have I seen the movie. I don't like shows about horses.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
B-But it's Meryl Streep!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Yes, twice in theaters and I own the special edition DVD.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
That and we also get a fabulous referral bonus of an extra $1200 a year in disposable income.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Bon mot, monseiur.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Not even Mr. Ed?!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Ah well, I forgotten that not everyone lives in a "retirement state" like I do. I swear, old people think they're so damn badass, roaming the streets in their pimped-out Lincoln Towncars and Buick Centurys. They're categorically more of a threat than the Crips where I live.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
http://www.sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Indiana Jones really did suck balls from beginning to end. *sniff* The Last Crusade was so good.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Agreed. I remember back when Sweeds were all burning and pilliaging and cool stuff. I even remember when they were all "Gustavus Adolphus" and pwning German ass in the 30 years war. Now look at them…oh how the mighty have fallen…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I salute you as well, but since I haven't seen the new batman movie either I'll just do it with my hat.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
It's like I don't even _know_ you! <runs out of room, arms flailing>
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Merci!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
That is the correct answer.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I think I'm owed a couple of checks. Better call HQ.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
WEWT! What do I win?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Hmmm. An hour with Zac Efron and a dustbuster??
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Oh my stars and garters… the things I could do with those two
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Seriously. The presence of a geek girl in a room full of geek guys will cause two things to happen…one, she will show them all up upon entry by being entirely superior, or two, someone will try to put her down and she will make a snappy comeback that proves that she is the superior being. Both scenarios tend to end in drooling-but not on her part.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Thought you might approve.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Thats the most thought thats ever been put into reviewing a paris hilton movie.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
yeah I play the field.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
baguette!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
with their stable economy and universal healthcare and low unemployment rate and high educational aptitude and non violent policies… pussies.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
In my experience, geek guys are intimidated by geek girls because they are generally more assertive. remember, half of "geek guy" is "guy." They are still insecure and feel like they have to be in control. Theres actually nothing more heart warming than seeing two geeks sharing a moment over a comic book or an MST ep.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
drooling and FEAR.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Maybe these guys want to sponsor HE.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I had no idea that people DIDN'T love The Last Crusade. its my favorite in the series.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Café olé!
September 21st, 2009 at 10:08 pm
A gay (cartoon) man NOT liking Mamma Mia?
*love*