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Cuatro de Julio
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Did I get the Spanish right this time? (edit: NO! but I fixed it.)
Enjoy your day off, explodify as many things and possible and eat something that was cooked outdoors. If you see anyone from Great Britain, make sure you enunciate all your “H’s.” That’ll remind them how they lost this sweet ass land mass with all its awesome resources.
If you are British, get drunk and cry yourself to sleep thinking of how beautiful it could have been. Better luck next time, SUCKERS!
EDIT: I guess it’s not obvious that I’m just making jokes and I hold no ill will to the British. New Zealanders… oh that’s another story. Damn Kiwis.
EDIT EDIT: Ok, so after getting a call from the New Zealand Embassy, I have decided to redact all negative comments about those dirty dirty… lovely people. At least they aren’t Merpeople. God damn fishlegs.
EDIT EDIT EDIT: All people of the land and sea are equally appreciated and welcomed to enjoy this comic. We are the world. We are the children.
Tags: 4th of July, holiday, mexico
August 26th, 2008 at 5:09 am
I think I'll assimilate the phrase "I'm going to wait while you think about what you've said." into my regular repertoire. Wonderful.
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:55 am
Not at all. I like FOTC too.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Holy crap, I almost gagged at the thought of Walrus Bacon! Thanks Joel! Have a great 4th, and try not to 'splode off any of your parts!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
It's 4th of July?
I hadn't really noticed, well happy quatro de julio to you.
I think I have some m80's lying around…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Chupacabra gravy. It needs to happen.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Awesome. Do Mexicans even celebrate July 4th?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
American Independence day? Im going to wait while you think about what you've said.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Happy 4th of July you fancy American bastards! Though as a Britisher, I have to tell you that we sort of got over all that loss of a continent thing a while back.
Enjoy, guys!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
If your american, get drunk and cry yourself to sleep thinking that if you lived under british rule you'd never have been afflicted with George W Bush.
Unfortunately for the world there wont be a next time.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Wait, if you dont want it any more there must be something wrong with it? Is this country a lemon? What have you shafted us with?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
True. We'd also all be speaking German.
Boosh.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Did I actually say something patriotic? Thats weird. Oh god, please dont misconstrue this for supporting Bush.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
We all make mistakes like getting drunk making out with our sister than moving to the Alabama to raise freaks…..
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Dont they call that "The Alabaman Dream"?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I wonder how they celebrate it in Denise's homeland of…. I think she's from the same country as Fez.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I love that fireworks are illegal where I live now. I used to live in Missouri and from July 1st to the 6th I had to deal with drunk rednecks blowing shit up in the middle of the street and children shooting bottle rockets at my car.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Walrus bacon slathered in Chupacabra gravy.
That's what needs to happen.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Nah, this country is all old and busted. Nobody wants it.
Welcome to the comments, glad you are enjoying the comic.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Dear god, theres a "70's show" marathon on thats been playing in the background of my house all day. I've partially seen at least 10 eps today.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
We found out it was second hand.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Old and busted? Dude, my house is almost as old as your country!
Well done on the artwork though, and the podcast too! Awesome! I laugh like a crazy person on the tram into work most mornings. People look at me funny because of you.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
The irony that the Family channel is showing each Harry Potter movie through 4 this weekend is not lost on me. I wonder if they even realize their transgression.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Walrus bacon? Sounds like a man sandwich to me!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Oh come now. Really. We were just about to take those Germans. They were pissing us off by the end, we were about to lose our temper.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I saw that commercial. "In honor of America we are show all the British Harry Potter Movies!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Dear Lord…. fiesta haggis? well played… and I know a few of mexican heritage that do allow their children to drink beer and such. I have been waiting all week to see what your 4th of july comic would be about… fantastic as all the others are!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Freedom Haggis! But which kind… the long left legged or the long right legged? (Scottish folks will know what I'm wittering about)
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Shame on you Joel Watson! Those Texas colors come busting out in a big sticky gush when nobody's looking, eh? If we hadn't been such nationalist pricks, cowering in our foreskins of selfishness–it never would have gotten so far out of hand.
…as such
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
That's pretty funny. Somehow I don't think Britain gives a rats behind that they ain't got all this land mass (USA). Of course I could be wrong.
I am so jealous of your artistic ability.
Beamer
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Some of us are fab whether blue-hawaiianed or not <snap>!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
When I said "machine gun turrets", what I in fact meant to say was "machine gun turrets"
Whether or not the Germans had glass jaws anywhere near their back bottoms is a matter you would have to take up with them… Also, if I may be allowed to gently nuzzle your brain with the penis of my language & linguistics degree, one possible origin of the word poppycock (though disputed by the OED) is the Dutch pappekak, meaning "soft shit"…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Linguistics are for homos. And I thought that poppycock was a slang term for rent-boys supporting a heroin habit.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Homo? You read me like a book, sir!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Takes one to know one–lame'o.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
And then I started to laugh, deep rolling guffaws from the middle and south central abdominal areas. Yes, Yes, very Holy Grail credits. Superb.
Kiwis actually think the American accent is sexy, the way (some) ladies here think British accents are sexy.
We are the ones who make a brighter day, so give, to the Will Rogers institute.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Yeah, just Tony Blair. Better to be ruled by the prom-slut sorority girl sucking the dick, than the coke-addled frat-bastard ashing his joint in her hair, is it?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I enjoyed the fact that Eli thought that Whole Foods would have those Mexican "delicacies" that he enjoyed as a child…
Josh's need for walrus bacon sounded vaguely homoerotic… as I'm sure it was meant to be.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I want you to write a new language that I may speak it.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Isn't it "cuatro"? like, with a 'C'?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Wow. My house is from the Victorian era and it's broken like a Yahoo search for "Google"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
They're illegal here in Massachusetts, but NO ONE CARES. I have met one person in my entire life here that did not endorse they're use with gusto, and she was crotchety, old, and weird. Fireworks have been going off constantly all night, and I live 40 feet from main street.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
We Slovakians keep to our stunted onion jokes.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
You REALLY don't want to know what it means. REALLY. It involves utensils.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
FIrst of all, awesome post. It made me think of the holy grail intro credits. Also, comic = hilarious!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
If the walrus bacon was homoerotic the walrus would have had to be human.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Krav, Eli was being sarcastic.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
John Lennon?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Well, to be fair, so is mine.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
If you're an illegal immigrant, is it illegal to celebrate American Independence Day? Is there some largely-unknown, colonial punishment designed for humiliation?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Koo Koo Kachoo?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
As a card-carrying Mexican, I can tell you that it's not. The family of illegals across the street from my house were setting of their own fireworks from the back of their F150 long after the actual ones were finished.
We Mexicans (both the legal U.S. Citizens and the not-so-much) hardly need an excuse for a party. We party at weddings, birthdays, all U.S. Government holidays, all the Mexican ones, funerals, graduations, Tuesdays and anniversaries.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I think the PC term is "pre-owned."
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
*flashes his Mexican badge*
Aye, Joel. The Slovak has a point. It is spelled with a si.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Can I be the Eggman?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
So, you've outed Eli as a Messican. I think this was previously mentioned.
And while I definitely don't speak for every Mexican out there, I will say that my 4th is routinely spent in a Mexican gay bar, drinking until I forget where I last stuck my penis.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
And narwhal steaks.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Mexicans: Partying Harder Than College Kids Since 1836.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Sloppy seconds. We were a hookup that GB didn't want to call the next day.
(But we were dressed kinda slutty, and were kinda drunk, and kinda asked for it.)
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
That language has already been written; it's called "Warren Ellis".
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Now THOSE are some tasty metaphors. Bravo.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Mah! Fantastic imagery and really poignant too.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I know… I Was being Sarcastic.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
That sounds even more homoerotic than previously!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Heaven's! -I've been co-opted!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
The part I went to was probably 75% Mexican, 15% Black, 5% White, and 5% Lebanese. It was also 96% gay. Those numbers alone show what a great country this is. Even when it sucks, I love America.
Oh, and there was a moon bounce.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Eli's glee about "bottle rocket cock fights" seems a little like Josh is rubbing off on him. As it were (smirk!).
And didn't Denise already talk about suckling chupacabra and fiesta haggis in the weirdest/favorite foods discussion in the forum? I'm pretty sure those were on her list somewhere.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Like the "bacon wave"? I've tried it, and it doesn't work very well.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
We're americans and we like to blow shit up, dammit! It's in the constitution. It's not early July if someone hasn't lost a digit (at least).
They took our jobs!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Mexican gay bar. Only upon reading those words did I realise that those two concepts had never been linked together in my head before. Mexican gays and cheap tequila? That's bound to get untidy…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
We have the right to bear arms sir, and we cannot feasibly implant these arms until we've blown off our old ones.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Dont knock it till youve tried it. Its super blubbery!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Actually we make narwhal tusk-kabobs.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I think thats just the demographics for all of LA, right?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
So its not rape, then.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Im sure there were exclamations of "poppycock!" and "hrumph!" all around.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"these colors don't run" or something.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Plus you have a tiny water heater right? Mine's HUGE and runs on coal and makes enough hot water for 100,000 people every day even if I dont need any.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
This is a very good point.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Thanks! You gotta get them started young. Build up a tolerance.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Thanks! Those responsible for this comment have been sacked.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Paul is dead.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Somewhere behind live pigeons with cream cheese.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
No, no…we kinda had a reputation early on, but then we started going to those Womens' Studies classes, and became our own woman.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Is there kobold kraut? I feel like all of this needs kobold kraut.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Poppycock indeed. Germans were as soft as shit… Get them out from behind their machine gun turrets and they had glass jaws, the lot of them.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Runs on coal, you say? Well, you are in Texas, i suppose. Electricity a bit of a novelty down there, I hear…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
As with many meats, the fat is the best part.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
GB? Let me tell you, without England, Wales and Scotland would still be full of celts smearing themselves with woad and speaking languages that sound like people choking. When you say UK or GB, you mean England.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Really? No wonder the Republicans hate California.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
As is the child inside of me, now.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Believe it or not, a lot of gay Mexicans are very much of the fey variety. They usually like their drinks fruity and pastel-colored.
Not I, though. I enjoy a good beer over a frilly concoction any day. Though, I will occasionally take a shot of Tequila, only to show my incredible tolerance to it in front of others.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Heh, we had a 4th of July Party with some retired military folks. One talked about being friends with the British liaison officer on post a few years ago and at their party (He and his wife offered to host it), they passed out lipton tea bags to all the guests.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Not Mexican and only sometimes fey, but I do love those electric blue concoctions.
"Does this drink make me look fat?"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Including the majestic møøse
A Møøse once bit my sister …
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"Oh thweetie, that Blue Hawaiian makes you look so fabulooouuuus!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
They had glass jaws in their buttholes? Or did you not mean their poppycocks when you said "machine gun turrets?"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
DOUBLE SARCASM FAIL!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Didn't Audi make a Quatro, something or other? -You're right, we did wind up speaking German!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
as in "sorry about Boston"?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Americans have an accent? i thought we just talked normal and everyone else was a variation on the theme.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Possibly, or a, “But look what you poor bastards have been missing out on for two hundred years!”
Another good story about that guy is that when he came over he wasn’t parachute qualified with the British Army, so they got an agreement with Fort Bragg (home of the XVIII Airborne Corps) to train him here. However each morning, I guess they make them all stand at attention and when they call roll they had to give their numbers. Because he was the lone Brit and didn’t have one, they assigned him one-007. Let it never be said the army has no sense of humor.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Well… I guess it wouldn't be hard to speak perfect Kiwi. I can only do it in short, controlled bursts though.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
The kiwi accent is pretty hard to imitate – seen many foreigners try to do it but they all come out sounding Australian *sigh* Bet you didn't think you had any kiwis reading HE eh?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I dont think I've talked to any New Zealander(?) readers directly. Several from Australia frequent the comments, though. I can at least imitate both members of Flight of the Conchords of that counts.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Doing better than 99% of Americans that's for sure – amazed how well Flight of the COnchords is doing in the States. By the way New Zealand is not as backward as depicted in the series – as you can see I'm using the Internet
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
WE gave you LOTR, and this is all the thanks we get!? (NZ)
September 8th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I actually have had somebody ask me that exact same question (except they were drunk), and I responded less with a long-winded and sarcastic description of a ficticious CELEBRATION OF ANOTHER COUNTRY'S INDEPENCENCE YOU IDIOTIC WASTE OF CARBON than with a punch to the nuts (I was drunk as well).
On a related note I like to ask people what the real significance of Cinco de Mayo is, then murder those who say anything about "Mexican Independence Day (that's September 16th)".