COMIC & BLOG
iTUNES FEED
EMAIL JOEL
The Immaculate Extinction Theory
Hereterrific? Heretacular? Either way, this is a church I would join. It’s like Christianity meets Turok, meets “Kill Bill.”
Denise unwittingly inspired today’s comic by sharing this image with me. It reminded me of a book I had as a child called “Dinosaurs and the Bible.” It was sort of like “batshit nuts propaganda for kids.” It explained how a few vague passages of scripture, a painting or two and a poem here and there proved that dinosaurs only died out about 3000 years ago. Dinosaurs were in the garden of Eden (please make this into a movie), and were on the Ark, and so forth and so on.
I encourage you to excercise your right to worship as you please, believe as you wish and whistle while you work, but if you think the entirty of Earth’s history fits into a neat little 6000 year span, you should probably stop reading this and (to paraphrase the poet) “go pound nails in your dick.”
My wife had a “science” text book at her private school that offered the idea that God put the dinosaur bones in the earth to test our faith. It also suggested that carbon dating was not to be trusted. I’m sure they had issues with the “theory” of gravity too. I believe we stick to the Earth because our hair is so heavy. That’s why bald people can fly. Look it up.
FYI
Intense Debate is having problems and I’m not getting comment notifications via email right now.
Tags: denise, dinosaurs, jesus, jurassic park
Related posts
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Jesus Christ Dinosaur Hunter, that should be a movie!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
if Christian Bale hadnt already played Jesus once, I'd say he should star.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Good job on the raptors btw, they look awesome.
This concept would also be hilarious as a Dinosaur Comic.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
yeah awesome job on the dinos. even though i'm an atheist, i thank jesus every day, b'c wothout him dinos would still be here terrorizing us all.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"God put the dinosaur bones in the earth to test our faith. It also suggested that carbon dating was not to be trusted"
Our RE teacher used to tell us the very same things.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Jesus Christ Superstar Dinosaur Hunter Extreme 3: The Reckoning
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Reminds me of an old Steve Martin stand-up routine where he talks about having kids and then every time you're around the kids, talk wrong.
So then it's his first day of school and he has to go to the bathroom. So, he raises his hand and says "May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?"
It's probably funnier when Steve says it on stage.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I love how the "flesh of Christ" color in the Jesus Riding Dinosaurs picture is caucasian.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Yeah I'm not getting comment notifications either. God Denise is evil… and adorable… and evil…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I laughed myself into tears. Probably because it reminded me of the hypocrisy of the church across the street from my house having a "Dino hunt" at vacation bible school. Conundrum, much?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I was thinking that too.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
back in black, bitches! wooh!
is it somehow providencial that i was wearing this shirt while i was inspiring joel for this comic? http://store.delias.com/item.do?itemID=45855
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Do any of these roman pagans take the time to explain where in the hell we're getting all of this petroleum from? What is it? -Jesus juice?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Clearly after slaying the beasts he squeezed the nectar from their flesh with his very hands, and left it for us to plunder.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
And now, having proven their point about the dinosaurs, our fundie overlords are turning their attention to the fallacy of gravity:
" heres what i think is true. there is no gravity because it doesnt make sense and ive pointed out the reasons why.
people like you and me fall to earth under the weight of our sins and thats what keeps us on the planet. when you die, if you have accepted Christ, your sins will disappaear and you will rise up into heaven. if you however lived a life of sin, when you die the burden of your sins will pull you further down into hell
trees and rocks dont have souls so they arent going anywhere. as for material objects that man uses, they fall to earth because they have received sin through man by touch
god never intended man to fly this is why we are born with original sin. this is why angels can fly, they have no sins at all "
http://www.aboyandhiscomputer.com/print.php?ItemI...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
The art in this comic is awesome (although the flickr pictures of Denise are way cuter than her character here). That dinosaur is so obliviously casual (which must have been problematic because their faces aren't that expressive) and Jesus looks so rugged!
Also: getting angry about the Creationists isn't going to make them go away >.> Like… make fun all you want, but I suggest (as any scientist would) educating yourself about the science instead of getting pissy >.> This is just one of the MANY TERRIFYING common misconceptions floating around in the general public. If I got in a twist about all of them, there's NO WAY I could enjoy my life. I'd rather have a way to know what I'm talking about at any particular cocktail party and be able to walk away leaving my opponent looking like the rabid idiot, rather than getting riled up about it myself. I suppose the internet equivalent is "Don't feed the trolls…. even when they're trolling your science."
Although that dinosaur hunt that Jillian was talking about was flat HILARIOUS. I savor it.
Also, I am kinda sad that we never got to see velociraptor ABJECT TERROR…
"We can run! We should run!…"
"No… we can't… we're being…. hunted…."
*horror*
*leaping Jesus*
That kinda thing.
Also: The internet is aware that Jesus + Raptors = funny
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Ra...
and my personal favorite
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/6/...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I like the use of the word providencial. Also: excellent shirt. I'm thinking about joining the Denise fan club… and I really don't fanboy all that much.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Holy Raptor Hunting Jesus, is that a long comment… sorry >_<
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
That's right, Jesus wants you to burn oil.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Great stuff. Jesus + "Clever girl" is always a WIN.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
She does look kinda sinister lording over the red things and bowl of green stuff
(I kid because I love)
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
i always thought that dinosaurs were jesus horses. like they weren't hunted down, but they were domesticated… with jesus love.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
You just said "Jesus Horses" and for that I will love you forever.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Thanks! One of the reasons I was up drawing till 5am. Why do I always decide to draw things Ive never drawn before?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Can you imagine going to Starbucks or the Home Depot and there being dinosaurs lurking around every corner trying to eat you? Thanks, Jesus!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Your photography reminds me of my wife's. http://www.flickr.com/photos/stupididea/sets/7205...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
My biggest dilemma right now is trying to figure out what to do when our relatives start telling our daughter this kind of nonsense.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
After he gets "left behind" there are still rogue dinosaurs to contend with.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Jesus was white and a republican. Ask John McCain. They used to share an apartment. (zing!)
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Comment notifications appear to be working now.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Dont you get it? They are paying homage to Jesus's original massacre!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
My only mission in life is to make you an internet-celebrity.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"Jesus Juice" FTW! I would also have accepted "Jehovah's Kool-Aid."
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
So we've established that even the evangelicals have their biblical history wrong: Jesus killed all the 'saurs only 2000 years ago. Linguists in ancient Greek and Aramaic have also determined that due to mistranslations, it was incorrectly recorded that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey to deflate the majesty of Roman dignitaries doing the same on Horses.
Properly translated, the texts reveal that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on baby stegosaurus, showing irreverence to the Roman lords doing so on mighty Raptors. Later, Mohammed (PBUH) made his legendary Night Flight to Jerusalem (and subsequent ascension) on the last remaining pterodactyl. Jesus was a good dino-hunter, but he missed a few of the airborne ones.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Wait, what? At first I was thinking "Oh King Zilch. You're at it again with your wry wit. You irrepressible scamp." If these words were spoken/written with serious intent, then It's time to start stock piling grain in the basement. The end is nigh.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Dude, you have no idea. I "wrote" this comic for over an hour, IM'd Josh, talked to my wife, etc because I couldnt condense it. I had this massive epic planned out that ended with crucified dinosaurs. I need that thing where they make cartoons from your thoughts.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Has it happened before? Have I stumbled on to a meme?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Yeah, it's sad how many of these people are out there and breeding. I pretty much have to keep up with this stuff, because I know my brother is going to regurgitate it at me and I want to be prepared. It doesn't matter how many times I prove him to be factually incorrect, or on what subjects – and it's been everything from Al Gore to death at Disneyland (he says no one has ever died at Disneyland; I showed him the newspaper clippings) – he actually responded to one of my debunking emails once with "facts are not important, fervor is."
Sums it up, right there.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
You missed an opportunity to plug your extra content for donating users. C'mon man!
"See the crucified dinosaurs, only three shillings, two for the ladies, kids see for free! Extry, Extry!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
what dream cartoon thing? you mean the thing that doesn't exist?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"Jesus was a good dino-hunter, but he missed a few of the airborne ones. "
Leaving a backdoor for potential sequels.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I wish they had that type of propaganda back when I was in Catholic Youth Group. I might have stuck around the church a few more years.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I'm flying right now…and loving it!
Y'know…the bald thing.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I feel you. My in-laws actually believe this nonsense and try to indoctrinate my daughter into the woowoo clan every chance they get. Thankfully shes pretty sharp (she's been on the Principal's List 3 years running [better than just Honor Roll {not that I'm bragging or anything}]) and her favorite subject is science so even at 10 she can recognize a load of BS when she hears it.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Somewhere recently (can't find it–rats) was an article about how evolution has brought us to a point where we can not only conceptualize evolution but also choose not to believe in it.
A friend just says that anything too complicated is therefore scary to many folks, so it's easier for them simply to disbelieve.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Did Jebus get the Sleestak, too?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
My Grandpa is worse. When I was seven years old he told me I was the reincarnation of his father. He gave me "my" keys, and asked me for advice. Pretty much all of my close relatives are like that or worse…
Edit: YOU TOLD THEM YOU HAD PROGENY?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I think they're Doritos and guac, not sure.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Calculus is a lie.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Church is the funniest thing on TV.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Is it just me or do the "raps" remind you of Billy Butcherson? http://www.thedougjonesexperience.com/hocus25.htm...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Jesus has some killer cheekbones and some fabulously voluminous hair.
I also love Denise's reasoning for children. I mean, what else ARE they good for?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
But it's not complicated AT ALL! We see it all around us. I was taught to believe that evolution was evil magic. That men immediately morphed from monkeys (which sounded ridiculous). When you just spell it out in simple english, there is no way to refute it. Water is wet, fire is hot and specie change and adapt over time.
I bet most people that "dont believe in evolution" do believe in "survival of the fittest" and just dont realize they're the same thing.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
And the Starbellied Sneech.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Holy crap Delia's! I haven't shopped there in ages. Roughly 90% of my high school wardrobe came from there.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Yeah, but then John got Jesus evicted when someone else offered him 30 silver coins for his room.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Oh I'd pay for crucified dinosaurs.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Who's to say he can't do it again?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"Facts are not important, fervor is" – isn't that the Republican motto?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Manual labor and having someone around who will point out all your failures in your life.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Me too.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Kirk Cameron really should have been in this one.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Didn't Jesus call his mother a "clever girl" for making up the whole "virgin" thing? ZING!
I also appreciated the "clever girl" quote, but as a reference to Jurassic Park… right?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Why did Jesus kill the dinosaurs? Wasn't he all about love and marijuana?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"Jesus: Dinosaur Hunter." Could be a T-shirt.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
This version of Jesus kinda reminds me of The Mariachi from Desperado, but probably a little crazier.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
In my mind its Habanero peppers and Soylent Green
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Those werereally impressive, I never realized your wife took that picture from the faq.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
It's not complicated to you because:
a) you have a brain
b) you're not afraid to use it to challenge/confront challenges, sway/be swayed, learn and grow.
Many, many (I could, like Dr. Cox, repeat "many" many more times) people get stuck on the "b" part.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
That's an axiom, isn't it?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Jebus has had work done. Lots of work.
If one's going to be the son of man, one must maintain one's fabulousity, mustn't one?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
This is Unix. I know this.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
OMG. He need to carry a cross that shoots a missile.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
If he's fabulous, then he's "the son of mens."
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"I was watching–what's that show, where the guy stands on stage and pretends he talks to spirits? John Edwards? No, Church." — David Cross (to the best of my memory)
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I think having his hair in a really tight ponytail would've accomplished that.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Seek inspiration from Zakk Wylde:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xVZdxy8gJuY
Wish I could find my CD, or the album art somewhere. There's a beautiful artist's rendering of Jesus "riding the crucifix and shooting the gun."
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
"The Lost World?"
"The Left Behind World?"
"Calvary: Site 2?"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Jesus Dinosaur hunter also sounds like a good mexican tv show
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Bingo!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Next Time On "When Jesus Strikes", Jesus the Immaculate Destroyer takes on those pesky pagans at Burning Man.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
So, I shared this with a buddy of mine, who pointed me to the Jack Chick tracts on the dinosaurs. Then i found this delight: http://www.fredvanlente.com/cthulhutract/pages/in...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Holy shit that was fantastic. I wish I had drawn it.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
David Cross is amazing. I love his observations on religion.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
On a completely unrelated comic note, not sure if you are aware but your right side links & buttons don't render properly in IE7, which I know is the devil. I know, I know, what geek uses IE7 anyway… I'm that geek. Not a huge deal, but I had never personally noticed your RSS feeds and other buttons until I specifically looked for them the other day.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Maybe your liberal hippie jesus was into that nonsense. We're talking about AMERICAN JESUS, who turns the other cheek…SO YOU CAN KISS HIS ASS! Crucify THIS, bitch!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
On the topic of parents lying to their kids for fun, when my sister and I were young we went to an Anglican private school (though my family wasn't religious). Whenever anyone talked about god we would both say "yeah we know Jack, we have a photo of him at home" Everyone was always very confused until one day when a schoolkid came home with us he realized.
Mum had a photo of Jack Nicholson from one flew over the cuckoo's nest on the wall and she had been telling us for years that that was a photo of god. Jack Nicholson is god… The whole family thought it was hilarious, we didn't so much… It's like the time they convinced us that our aunty Virginia's name used to be Vinegar until they invented it and had to change her name…
My family is dedicated to their jokes it seems
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Yeah I say we turn Jesus into Christian Bale's James Bond or John McClane!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
that's 17 sequels I would watch.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
heh!
August 20th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
A friend and I began a Jesus Christ: Dinosaur Hunter concept and started sketches and whatnot around 2004.
We never did anything more with the idea, because I'm flighty and the time for it has long since passed, but it's nice to know that other people besides just the two of us would have thought it a funny idea.
http://prototype138.livejournal.com/196378.html
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
[...] future. I would also like to give a Special Award to Jessica G. for her paper cutting recreation of THIS comic. The detail and effort that went into this is just extraordinary [I would actually really [...]
November 15th, 2009 at 3:21 am
I always figured, if God created the world, and He went to so much effort to make it look like the world was five billion years old and dinosaurs died out 65 million years ago and all that, who was I to call Him a liar?