I bid one dollar, Bob.
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May 23rd, 2008

I bid one dollar, Bob.

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All of this and more could be yours, if… the price is right.

This comic is basically factual except that it hasn’t happened yet… or maybe it’s happening right now. I’m not sure, but I’m probably foretelling the future (or at least the present).

Josh is in Chicago this week for Bear Pride. You see, once a year Josh’s people instinctively return to their ancestral homeland of Chicago. Once gathered they begin an ancient ceremonial mating ritual consisting of bar crawls, dancing and alcohol. I suppose there is also plumage involved. At some point he’ll lay his clutch of eggs in the spawning ground, then return home never to see those he mated with again.

I am certain that I’m either talking about Chicago Gays, salmon or rain forest toads. It’s late and things are starting to blur together. Which one has a cloaca?

The unfamiliar face in the first panel is Josh’s friend Perkk (in the blue, not the bouncer in the pink). I told Josh I was doing this comic and asked who should be in it with him. He said it was Perkk’s birthday, so they honors go to him.

Happy birthday, Perkk, from Josh.

The overall inspiration (and the image of Bob Barker emblazoned on human flesh) came from this Radar Online list of terrible tattoos (specifically this one).

If you want to see something else truly fascinating, I suggest you Google “gayest tattoo ever.” You can stop when you see the “MerMen.” It’s usually the first result. Breathtaking.

If you’re living it up in Chicago this week, I invite you to stalk seek out Josh and show him a good time (not that he needs any help).  In fact, see if you can do anything to lessen his good time. We need him back in as close to one piece as possible.

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This entry was posted on Friday, May 23rd, 2008 at 3:15 am and is filed under Comics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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^ 93 Comments...

  1. Jeff Baier
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Hmmm I'm starting my summer internship in Chicago in a few days. Does this mean I'm going to be arriving in Chicago in the middle of mating season?

  2. john_darc6624
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    no podcast this week, then?

    also, I thought that was John from the Simpsons, with the bowling shirt. *zap zap*

  3. dishliquid
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    OK, this is weird. I actually know the owner of that tattoo. I once gave her a piggy back ride, started running full speed, and fell over, busting up my knee. She's a total sweetheart of a knee destroyer.

    In related news, we watched The Guy With Secret Kung Fu last night. It was not awesome.

    We'll watch Undefeatable next week and send your package back.

  4. iptydafu8334
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Wow, that's a whole lot of gayness. -It's no wonder my license to gay was revoked. I mean, who can keep up that schedule of CE credits?

  5. eddie10331
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Said jilted lover should resemble Val from Frisky Dingo.

    Except, y'know, a dude.

  6. eddie10331
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I was listening to the Don and Mike Show, and Mr. Barker happened to be the guest. Their closing question was something along the lines of "Is there ever a day where you wake up and you don't feel like being Bob Barker?" His response: "For that, there's always tequila."

    Bob Barker is awesome.

  7. aj5558
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Actually, it's part of the healing process for your shiny new ink to itch. I should know, I just got two tattoos within a week of each other and they itch like hell.

  8. aj5558
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Why's that?

  9. larnsturt6109
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I'd like to think Bob's in game show heaven.

    Which, on second thought, is probably the third layer of hell…

  10. dram10661
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    You just made my day. Many thanks.

  11. dram10661
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    He should star in a buddy cop movie or something.

  12. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Yeah, and Josh hasn't died in a while…

  13. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    When the nipple rings lock together, wouldn't they just _have_ to say "Wonder-fag powers–activate!"?

  14. eddie10331
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Bob Barker & Billy Dee Williams in
    ONE DAY TILL RETIREMENT

  15. iptydafu8334
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I don't think I'd trust an autoclave after that.

  16. corey_cart33321
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Please Make "Come on down bitches!" a t-shirt.

  17. QingTing
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    OMG, you're on FOX!

    http://www.fox.com/futurefox/blogs/index.php/2008...

  18. flanked8257
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Oh no, they're aware.

  19. flanked8257
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Awesome, I know what I'm doing with my economic stimulus check.

  20. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Oh wow! That was him.

  21. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I cant wait for the "HE used to be so good" emails. Thats when I know ive made it.

  22. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    By several orders of magnitude.

  23. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I have to keep it fresh. Otherwise he turns in to Kenny from South Park.

  24. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    well, yes. Thats a given right?

  25. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Oh look, Val. I've made you a playmate. Say, Hellooooo.

  26. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    with the let's make a deal guy. They have a space reserved for Howie Mandel.

  27. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    The beard is close, but it was based on a design that Josh's friend Travis had for a while.

  28. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    They have gays in San Francisco? Now Ive heard everything.

  29. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    gonna what?

  30. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    were you already spending a lot of time thinking about merman as it was?

  31. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Either way, he isnt stopping.

  32. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    They have razor sharp claws and stand 10 or 12 feet tall.

  33. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I hear ya. I dont begrudge any minority group of reveling in their right to exist (especially a group that is feared and hated by at least 40% of the country) but we'll know we live in a better world when no one has to say, "we're here, we're ________ get used to it" because that would mean they are already accepted.

  34. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Im getting too old for this shit.

  35. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    this is disturbing and intriguing.

  36. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    So, who gets to be Jayna ("Form of a burly, leather-clad incubus!"), and who gets to be Zan ("Form of an ice pre-February-2008 novelty cake topper!")?

  37. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    TPIWWP!

  38. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I've always preferred "We're here, we're [whatever], can we can the drama and go get some lunch?"

  39. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Don't judge me.

  40. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    That's awesome. It's an actual, official Fox blog. Very weird, but also very cool.

    An explanation of the blogs purpose:
    http://www.fox.com/futurefox/blogs/index.php/2008...

  41. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    So a friend in SF in the 70s decided to check out a leather bar in the South of Market area (before it was called SoMa, when it was still pretty rough). He nervously walks in, the music's pounding, there are huge guys in leather everywhere, and the music stops briefly while the DJ changed records. In the silence, one conversation pops out: "…and if you put some mint in your hollandaise, it's really great!"

    Suddenly, it was much less scary…

  42. Perkk
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Thank you! Great birthday present!

  43. Dave
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Well…http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20202195_14,00.ht...ouch.

  44. Sultmhoor
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Show him a good time! There would've been spandex involved!

  45. kravstorm20471
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Looks like Josh found a bear 'daddy' to make him feel all warm and drunk fuzzy and marked him with his new nipple ring!

  46. aaron6928
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    This made me laugh for a good five minutes.

  47. sarcastodon8526
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Wow, that tattoo IS really gay.

  48. fraktruck8125
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I laughed, then I laughed some more as my brain worked the subtext of the tattoo

    My brain is slow in the morning…

  49. kravstorm20471
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Wait, wait, did you mean "Drunksploded" or as written "drunkspolded"?

  50. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I think it's over on Tuesday. Just wear a raincoat and try and behave like the rest of the onlookers and tourists.

  51. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Was that the guy that owned the store with all the random crap?

    We posted on this week and will be recording a new one when Josh gets back (Tues or Wed).

  52. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Under what circumstances did she get that tattoo? Do you know?

    Actually, email me and I will send you the next address to send it to. It goes to Bill next.

  53. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I think the HE Podcast counts as 2 hours of CE. I'll send you the form.

  54. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Maybe I should do a follow up about his jilted lover searching the country for him. When they meet, their matching nipple rings with lock together, then he'll beat josh to death with a pipe.

  55. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Isn't it though?

  56. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    It worked!

  57. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Dont worry. I've fixed 3 typos in the comic since I uploaded it. Brain R dumb.

  58. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    yes, damnit. Why didnt spell check catch that!? Oh, its not a word.

  59. kravstorm20471
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Why beat him to death with a pipe? For abandoning him? Or just cause Josh picks winners?

  60. iptydafu8334
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    And you took that as Undiscovered Country, right?

  61. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    He was telling me all the actual bars they were going to: The Manhandler, the Jackhammer, etc. Glad you noticed the beer cans. It was a pain in the ass, but seemed necessary.

  62. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Im glad you noticed. Sometime I think Im the only one that will care about that stuff.

  63. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Little bit of both. Plus I like drawing Josh being murdered.

  64. king_zilch6474
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    You mean legendary cult film director John Waters?

  65. dishliquid
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I'm pretty sure she just got to be funny. I'll email you.

  66. tindomiel30091
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    The internet cares, it's just that we won't point it out until the day you forget something, whereupon we will complain 'till the cows come home about how you used to be so detail-oriented.

  67. fraktruck8125
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    hence why "josh dies" is a tag on some of the earlier stuff

  68. Murray
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    So do bouncers at gay bars routinely cosplay Jet Black? Nice touch!

  69. larnsturt6109
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    You know, the homos really know how to get down. I live with a lesbian and a gay man and we party hardy. I treasure the night we went on the Castro and a ginormous black man told me I was the most beautiful woman in the bar. I'm pretty sure he was stoned out of his mind, though. The night ended on the roof of some girl's Mission apartment with burritos. Good times.

    If Josh ever makes it out to Pride in San Fran, give a shout and I'll send him a list of all the best places. I'm sure there's a local bear den around here somewhere.

  70. larnsturt6109
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Drew would be emphatically worse. Exponentially, even.

  71. Sultmhoor
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Awww, I was gonna, but it looks like I'm not going to be able to :(

  72. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I'll never think about mermen the same way again. And the dick fountains behind them – really? Do they really need to be gushing jizz?

    lol @ the name of the bar.

  73. tindomiel30091
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Would you rather the dick fountains were gushing sparkling lemonade?

    I know I've seen a gayer tattoo than that on the internets; I'm trying to track down the image now…

  74. ellecee9105
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    If you can produce a gayer looking tattoo than that one, I'd dearly like to see it. That was the gayest thing I've ever seen and I've seen gay porn.

  75. ellecee9105
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    "I think I'm brushing my teeth with beer"

    I'm not sure which is funnier, the idea of an extremely hungover person brushing their teeth with beer or the fact that Josh isn't quite clear on whether or not the substance on his toothbrush is beer. Makes you wonder.

  76. ellecee9105
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    "I think I'm brushing my teeth with beer"

    I'm not sure which is funnier, the idea of an extremely hungover person brushing their teeth with beer or the fact that Josh isn't quite clear on whether or not the substance on his toothbrush is beer. Makes you wonder.

  77. dram10661
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I think it would depend on how seedy the tattoo parlor/"Guy I know with a tattoo needle" was.

  78. dram10661
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I don't really go for the whole…. "pride" thing. I'm one of those people that just happens to be a fagscicle. Also bears scare the everloving shit out of me.

  79. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Good idea, though I doubt I could use barker's face.

  80. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Good idea, though I doubt I could use barker's face.

  81. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    THE PRICE IS WRONG BITCH!

  82. klinqueen21521
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I thought it was a young George Lucas, actually.

  83. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I dont know if Perkk would consider that an insult, but you're on to something there.

  84. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    The peter pan reference was a direct quote that josh txt'd me as he went forward into oblivion.

  85. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Spiderman Cosplay?

  86. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    I was waiting for that one.

  87. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    You're very welcome.

  88. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Thats the one!

  89. Sultmhoor
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Flashdance leotard cosplay!

  90. jonny_ace12141
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    well done with the "penis euphemism bar" best gay bar name ever! also well done with the continuity of the beer cans on the sink (keeping the correct one on it's side from the opposite angle, and having the label positioning stay the same). i know for you it might be a no-brainer, but in my sleep-deprived mind it kix ass!

  91. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Niiiiiiiiiiiiice!
    I came for the humor, but stayed for the details: Penis Euphemism Bar, Josh's red eyes, even the water supply line for the toilet.
    Yeah, having Bob on your back is bad. Would Drew be better or worse?

  92. aj5558
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Oh man, I wanna cry. But there's really no mistake when you enter an establishment called the Penis Euphemism Bar–you pretty much should know what you're in for.

    And as far as I know, a tattoo shouldn't itch until about a week afterward. The Bob Barker tattoo in the link that you ever-so-kindly provided us looks fake, it looks more like paint than actual permanent ink.

    Hehe… and I had a gigglefit with the Peter Pan reference.

  93. tindomiel30091
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am

    Oh God. This wasn't even the one I was looking for…
    http://cottonandsand.com/sandandcotton/wp-content...
    and
    http://cottonandsand.com/sandandcotton/wp-content...

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