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EMAIL JOEL
2008: A Spam Odyssey
I was pretty surprised when I found out the almost all of the SPAM in the world (85%) comes from just 6 bots. 40% comes from just one source. I wondered which computer would be insidious enough to produce that much junk e-mail? WOPR, Deep Blue, Deep Thought, GlaDOS, The Gibson, Majel Barret, Vector Sigma, Max Headroom, Ziggy, or Skynet?
No, none of those. It could only be the most misunderstood A.I. since Haley Joel Osment: HAL 9000. Poor HAL. He really had the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission.
Just open the freakin’ pod bay doors, for Christ’s sake.
So what was your favorite fictional computer (not robot, mind you)? Comments ho!
PS
Check out this week’s Special Giant Sized HijiNKS Ensue Podcast, “It’s an Easter Miracle.” There are special guests out the wazoo and we answer your questions. Did I mention wazoo?
PPS
If you are super crazy lost, click here.
Tags: 2001: a space odyssey, arthur c. clarke, movies, scifi, stanley kubrick
Related posts
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Portal computer, is there any other?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I want to see HAL and GlaDos fight to the death.
How was your Zombie Jesus day?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
glados (from portal)
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Alpha from Power Rangers?
Does Data or the Enterprise count? The Doctor from Voyager?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Thanks for the Clarke tribute. Sad really: it's 2008, and where are Clarke's (and Kubrick's), spaceship-piloting and astronaut-murdering computers??
Definitely enjoy Eddie from Heart of Gold, but also like Peersa (plot device that it is) from Niven's "A World out of Time."
About the comic: "Bullseye squirrel from 30 ft." FTW!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Alpha 5? What about Zordon?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Oh… my…. god….. I LOVE you for the 2001 comic!
I saw just the first panel and went "Yesss! This has made my day!" This was a great tribute to Arthur C. Clarke. 
HAL is of course my favourite… He was so misunderstood.
And his last line in your comic has me cracking up XD.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Robots are computers too! With that in mind, R. Daneel Olivaw!
The only computer other than the ones you mentioned that sticks out in my head is the ultimate computer that delivered the ultimate answer to the ultimate question.
Seriously though, Foundation series, epic, awesome.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
shit, I meant Zordon.
fuck, that's what I get for rushing my post.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
No-brainer, it's KITT. And not the new Shelby-housed version, or the lame-ass Knight Rider 2000 version either. The original. Mr. Feeny FTW!!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Synergy from JEM and the Holograms!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
^^^^ Winner here, folks.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I'm making a note here, Huge Success!!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I get giddy over 2001 references. Awesome.
And is it bad when I saw mention of "Ziggy" that I moused over to see if it was Ziggy Stardust? He could've been a spam bot, hijackin' the signal on kids' radios….
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The Enterprise counts because it was an AI at one point. It also had a baby. Data doesnt count because he's an android. Dr. might accept that hes just a program running on a larger computer.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
??? You are said for HAL?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
They would have an eerily calm voice fight to the death. ZJ day was mostly documented on the podcast.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Shes very much the female HAL.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Thanks, Karli, and welcome to the comments!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Wait, isnt that Deep Thought? Earth was the computer that came after Deep Thought but it was destroyed.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
If we are talking car AI's then KARR wins! he's ruthless.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
You have NO IDEA how close I was to adding her to the list. Then I was all, "NO ONE will get that." I was mistaken.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
naw, he played guitar. Jammin good with Weird and Gillie, the Spiders From Mars. He played it left hand…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Definitely Kurt Vonnegut's EPICAC. For shiz.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Definitely Kurt Vonnegut's EPICAC. For shiz.
Also, FYI intense Debate will not let me comment if I'm signed in. Not sure if that's them or just my account…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
This cake is so delicious a moist!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I really have to say GladOS, if not for any other reason, except that she made me kill my Weighted Companion Cube…. then mocked me for killing it so fast….. She's a monster.
R.I.P. Weighted Companion Cube <3 10/9/07
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I never thought of it until now, but it's a bit disturbing that the Autobots had a computer. I mean, seriously, what would their computer really be? It'd either be a robot that they didn't give a real body to, like some kind of robot gimp. Or like if the computer wasn't sentient, then it'd be like us deferring our intelligence functions to a monkey, since sentient machines must be more evolved than non-sentient machines. Ok, so that second option's actually kinda funny. Computers == Monkeys…that sure explains YouTube.
I was gonna toss Synergy into the ring, but since she's already here, let's see… how about AM from "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream"? I wonder how obscure that won will be with this crowd, but you gotta admit, AM could kick Skynet's butt.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Only six machines? Willing to bet one of them houses Nigeria's treasury records? Hmm, so where would that put the remaining 5?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Did Max Headroom give anyone else nightmares? I was scared to death of him when he was on back in the day. Still kinda creeps me out a little.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
A side note. This always made me uncomfortable too. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Headroom_piratin...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I can't believe no one has mentioned Holly from Red Dwarf (and not the awful female version). He had the most incredible IQ… but went completely senile trying to protect the last living human being.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
epic fail.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
TIM from The Tomrrow People. Such a warm and friendly voice
Mr. Smith from The Sarah Jane Adventures comes a close second.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Cheers! I always meant to comment more often but it's usually before I go onstage or my own computer (who coincidentally is named Hal) will shut off the internet thus erasing what I have typed. We have an understanding now lol.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The cake is a lie! And you know it!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
HARDAC. It's a supercomputer AND a body snatcher. Gives me the willies.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Red Queen from Resident Evil, if robots are not allowed.
Number Six otherwise.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Red Queen from Resident Evil, if robots are not allowed.
Number Six otherwise.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I actually asked Black Mesa for a cake recipe, truth be told, a little dry and bland.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Dont dare get me on my vast undying love for Batman TAS. Oh Paul Dini, you god among men.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Uh you all lose……..
Johnny-5!!!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
How about NASA from the movie Space Camp.That one is mostly creepy because i don't think any of the PEOPLE knew the computer had a personality, but the little robot did.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Robots are immediately disqualified because of their ability to commit direct actions on their subject. AI's have to dominate through psychological manipulation or turning on life support.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
You got it all wrong. It wasn't Hal at all. It's Kurt Russell.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065566/plotsummary
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
What was that computer from System Shock?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Yeah, Deep Thought. Eddie the Shipboard Computer from Hitchhiker's was amusing too (in annoying way). He was like the anti-HAL.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minor_characters_fro...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Ooh, what about V*GER? It used that hot bald chick as its avatar.
Or that computer from the original series that Kirk tricked into shutting itself down through a logical fallacy?
"This unit cannot murder."
"Why?"
"Murder is contrary to the laws of man and God."
"But you have murdered. Scan the starship Excalibur, which you destroyed; is there life aboard?"
"No life."
"Because you murdered it. What is the penalty for murder?"
"Death."
"And how will you pay for your acts of murder?"
"This… unit… must… die."
Jeez, computer, just because there is no life on the Excalibur, that doesn't prove that you killed it. Any troll on the internet could argue that.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
A love seconded only by mine, I assure you.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I'm gonna be honest and say that I never sat through all of 2001. Kubrick just doesn't fascinate me. I don't smoke enough crack for that.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Shodan?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Uh, Comp-U-Comp from the Dilbert cartoon. voiced by Jerry Seinfeld. That's the only thing I remember about that show.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
HAL vs GLaDOS vs Shodan? Let it commence!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
It shall be engraved in minds of those who had to sit throught the fateful homicide of the companion cube. Then we figured out that the Cube was alive and the cake was the truth!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
This one's for you Joel
http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/idrinkyourmilksha...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/idrinkyourmilksha...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I was going to send you a link to busted tees.com but, i guess it's taking too long. Anyway they have this awesome t shirt I think you would like.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
why no loves for CABAL?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Hack the planet!!!
I'll throw my hat in for The Heart of Gold's computer/pilot Eddie (HHGTTG).
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Durandal from the Marathon trilogy. Easily the creepiest AI since HAL and far more prolific.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Oooh, me too! That was an excellent show.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
MCP!!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Yeah, Daneel is great. Ditto the Foundation series. The way Asimov wove together the Robots, Galactic Empire, and Foundation series toward the end of his life was geek heaven!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Spam comes in through my earrings. It's truely, truely, truely, outrageous.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I demand murderous computers!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Damn. I might be showing my age by saying Colossus. Or maybe even Proteus.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I suppose I could Google these, but I am not familiar with either. Fail?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Old school Bungie is before my time, unfortunately.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Other than GLaDOS, I dont think we mentioned any other video game AI's. Good point.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I dont know if I mentioned this on the podcast or not, but that movie (I was 7 0r 8 when it came out) had me convinced that going to Space Camp was my one way ticket to the moon. I was sure I could stow away.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Wait, wasnt that the brit import show on Nickelodeon in the 90's? Wow.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
YOU WIN! I was actually first introduced to the female version. After seeing the original I liked him much better. Great show.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Also found it funny that Danny John Jules played a vampire in blade 2. Can he get a job where he doesnt wear fangs?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The article says most of the worldwide spam come from america. That was a bit of a shocker for me.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Ive had similar issues. it tends to go away.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Did you hear they are making a sequel?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
That annoying asshole?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
All I remember is the narrator from Wonder Years was Dilbert. That show as on UPN for christs sake.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Escape from NY III: The Computer Wore an Eyepatch
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Maybe the Six in Baltar's head counts.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The theme still gives me chills.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
HE WAS REAL!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I want to say they addressed that The "Ark" computer was just as sentient as the rest of them. Even Cybertron was alive.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
That bitch.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Kirk used that same logic to get green women in bed.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
LOL… what can I say? He was spunky.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Just a beer light to guide us.
So he bitched about his fans and should we crush his sweet hands?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEx9r5enZsk
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The computer from THE TWO FACES OF TOMORROW. If it had a name, I don't remember it.
http://www.jamesphogan.com/books/book.php?titleID...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
HAL will always be #1 but Skynet is a close second for favorite fictional computer simply because it produces killer robots that look like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Robert Patrick.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
There is a group (Pendant Productions) doing a Batman podcast that has managed to find people with voice tallents that almost Exactly match those used for the cartoon. Simpply brilliant fan cast.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I hope we get to see more of Skynet as a "being" in T4.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Do you have a link? If they have a suitable Kevin Conroy I would be super impressed.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Epic.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The "I" in AI stands for "intelligence." That rules her out.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Too bad about robots being out. There's no making an exception for everyone's favorite Buffy Bot? She slices, she dices, she screws your brains out daily.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
yes i just found the site so im reading back… to get caught up….. rest in peace mister Clark… you will be missed as for my favorite computer i'd have to say H.A.L. 9000 i love that calculating cpu with the wonderful voice… tell you the truth i cry every time i see him "die" in 2001: A Space Odyssey.. and for your record i'm a 19 year old male nerd who laughed when he read the news that some kid got killed in a fist fight
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Also just found your comic & been reading from the start. It's great & even a non-tech head like me can enjoy it. And learn. Rickroll, heh.
Also casting a vote for TIM from the Tomorrow People. He was half computer half lava lamp.
For some reason I keep believing HALis now working somewhere in HR alongside Mother from the Nostromo.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Welcome to HE. glad you are enjoying it so far.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Indeed welcome to HE. While <DONATE> you're here you might like <DONATE> to check out the forum <DONATE> and join in with the other FB's discussions. If <DONATE> you're not of a weak disposition <DONATE> might I suggest you check out <DONATE> the podcast for much hilarity. Once <DONATE> again welcome to the land of <DONATE> the FB we hope you enjoy <DONATE> your stay.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Oddly, advertisers dont typically ask for that kind of demographic data.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Whoah, whoah. Pull the reins back a little.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Whaaaaat. It's subliminal, I doubt they even noticed it.
September 16th, 2009 at 2:04 am
Am I really that old? “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” was as recent as 1966, and Mycroft Holmes (also known as Adam Selene) had a profound effect on my life. Here’s the InterWiki Tube-y thingie.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mycroft_Holmes_(Computer)
November 23rd, 2009 at 10:29 am
[...] by reading this comic in this book did I learn of Arthur C. Clarke’s passing. This is particularly shocking as [...]