Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home
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March 3rd, 2008

Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home

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Forget Fisher Stevens! They should get Scott Bakula on LOST. He needs to way to repent for his crimes. Actually, they don’t need any Quantum Leap actors since Desmond is basically a Scottish Dr. Sam Beckett. Think about it. When the hatch blew, that was him “stepping into the Quantum Leap Accelerator.” For a while there with Charlie he was striving to “put right what once went wrong.” Instead of “Oh, boy” he says “(oh) brother.” Al is Sam’s “constant” just as Penny is Desmond’s. Ok, wait. I started typing this as a joke. Now I just think they ripped off Quantum Leap.

Also they had a helicopter… that’s just like “Airwolf!” Those bastards. And Walt is “Small Wonder!” It’s all 80’s TV!

  • Locke = Mr. Belvedere
  • Ecko= Mr. T as B.A. Baracus from “The A Team”
  • Jack = some guy from St. “Elsewhere” or possibly Sam from “Cheers”
  • ummmm… premise getting thin… must recover…
  • Hurley = Natalie from “Facts of Life”
  • Oh wait! Ecko and Locke are both Bull from “Nightcourt!” No! Ecko is Mac, Jack is Judge Harry, Sawyer is Dan Fielding, Kate is Christine Sullivan, Rose is Roz (YES! YES!), Rousseau is Selma, the Others are Phil the homeless guy, the smoke monster is Mel Torme (get it? “The Velvet Fog“), and the island is the courthouse which exists out of phase with the rest of the world (because it’s AT NIGHT!!!) IT ALL MAKES SENSE! I HAVE JUST SOLVED LOST!
  • LOST = NIGHT COURT FTW!!!LOLOLeleventy1!11!00!!LOLZ

I think I just had a faneurysm. Did I ust invent that word? Don’t fucking steal it! I’m going to put it on a shirt or something.

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^ 68 Comments...

  1. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    lol. I loved that episode of Lost. I realize that it gets further and further away from itself with every new episode, but I find myself loving it more and more as they pile on more and more steaming piles of dung atop of what is already quite a large pile of crap.

    Hmm… I should've found a better analogy than comparing Lost to crap, because it really is awesome… oh well. The defense rests.

    So now that Desmond is… fixed?… will he still have his fortune-teller powers? Did Walt and Michael make it out of the island through that specific bearing? WHERE'S THE POLAR BEAR?!?!?!?

  2. josh5363
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    hahahahhaha, you sonufabitch, my hair was almost as long as yours back then :P

    also i hate myself for thinking "440, wtf, A?" as i read the 2nd panel.

    PS: you look like abe lincoln in Raisin the Stakes

  3. revjim
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    ha! That's EXACTLY what I thought was going to happen. A sort of "this doesn't help you but it sure does help me" scenario. I was almost disappointed to find that Daniel was actually a decent guy, at least so far.

    Great comic.

  4. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I am getting jaded for the EXACT reason that you are loving it. The last ep was fantastic but I am sick of them opening all of these doors and never closing any of them. There was too much to keep track up in the first season. 3 seasons later and they still havent answered most of the original questions. The ones they did answer were so old that I had forgotten about them.

    Also, I don't think Desmond is fixed. I just think it isnt going to kill him or get worse.

  5. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I KNOW! But then we would have looked the same. So instead I picked you from 2000-2001. At least I didnt go out of my way to give you bad skin. Also, I realize this is a farce because you would have picked up on the musical reference instantly.

    Abe from "RTS: A Rock Opera in 3 Acts" is a character I really identify with on a personal level. "We should totally just go to 2nd and a half base, just to show them."

  6. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Well, I didnt really lose or misplace it. I voluntarily removed it. You cant bee a teenage rock rock forever (if only).

  7. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    "You have to get on a plane and find me! Remind me to return those videos to Blockbuster! Its imperative!. There could be late fees!"

    My experience with people named Daniel is that they are all assholes. Don't trust them.

  8. Paul
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Ha! I might've known a kid that said home skillet every now and then. I believe he is currently living under a bridge in 2008…

  9. honest_ape
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I never new you rocked the Amish beard. That's almost as embarrassing as admitting you played Wonderwall.

  10. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I had a full on Abe Lincoln for quite a while. I might try to find some photographic evidence. Also, go back to 1996 and tell me that Oasis didnt rock your fucking word. You cant.

    Because time travel is impossible.

  11. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Right next to the kid that said "dope" and "funky funky fresh."

  12. honest_ape
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Good point. But, if I DID go back to 1996, and you told me Oasis rocked, I'd punch you in the dick.

  13. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Oasis rocks. Go ahead – punch me in the dick now. You can't, cuz wer on teh interwebz! Oh teh noes! ;)

  14. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I know a couple of guys who still say "dope". Ugh.

    Though I have to admit, I still use "home skillet" once or twice a year.

  15. honest_ape
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Oh yeah? We'll see about that. I'll email you a dick punch. Once I get the technology sorted out, that is.

  16. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    "In a champagne supernoveR in the skyyyyyyyy!"

  17. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    AOL Voice: "You've got Dick Punch"

  18. John D'arc
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    In the words of Mr. Kruger from Seinfeld….

    "You have lost alot of hair."

  19. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    (raises hand shyly) I still say "dope." But in a totally ironic way… yeah.

  20. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    "*brling!* You've got testicular cancer!"

  21. adam_c5544
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    But what's wrong with Oasis??

  22. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Nothing. Thats the point. Not saying I dug ANYTHING after "Whats the Story…" but that album helped define my highschool experience. Oasis, Bush, Smashing pumpkins. What an easy time to be alive.

  23. Chad
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Bald man used to have a mustache and a soul patch…

    Interesting.

  24. web_diversi6473
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    you look like you were listening to a lot of Soul Asylum

  25. king_zilch6474
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    The new hawtness is to find new suffixes for "home." Homeslice, homescrub, homecake. In the early days of teh interwebs I used to call people homepage, but by the time people started getting it, it was played out.

    And "dope" has looped back around to cool. But not "hype." The New Kids On The Block cartoon killed that to death.

  26. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Guilty. Grave Dancers Union was one of the first CD's I ever bought (subsequently returned to the store by my mom for being evil).

  27. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I say we bring page "Homepage." Thats gold.
    Animated NKOTB 4 LIFE!

  28. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    To be fair Josh had sort of a goatee but that wouldnt have looked different enough from the way I normally draw him.

  29. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    As I typed this "Song 2" by Blur came on the iPhone.

  30. larnsturt6109
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    You jest, but they're getting back together. I shit thee not.

  31. larnsturt6109
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    It's just head hair migration. Happens to the best of them.

  32. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I heard about that. Seeing as how that was the 6th sign of the Apocalypse, as soon as the moon turns to blood we better hold on to our asses.

  33. J Klassen
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Frequency is spelt wrong the 2nd time (it's spelt frequeny there)

  34. David
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Effing genius!
    Joel you are my hero.

  35. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Thanks for catching that J. I'll fix it tonight.

  36. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Hey thanks David! Just don't be too disappointed when I don't live up to your expectations. Our heroes often turn out to be A-holes.

  37. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I had extensive orthodontic work from age 16-18. It was pretty bad. The roof of my mouth had to be reshaped.

  38. Tom
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Just remember, they've got until 2010 to get to the fireworks factory. If it was me who went back to 1996, I would've told you to enjoy all the Spacehog while you can, as radio will officially stop playing rock and something called the Spice Girls will become popular in one year. Thanks alot, Dishwalla.

  39. aj5558
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Man… though I think I had the same glasses frames back in high school that Josh did, I'm glad that I didn't dress as dorky.

    So, I thought you looked a little Lincolny too, but more in the Clone High sense (what? A semi-intelligent cartoon on MTV? Never before Daria has that ever happened and never shall it AGAIN!), visual evidence presently:

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/be/Clo...

    And last… did you have gap tooth/missing tooth in your Breakfast Club days?

  40. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I've always recognized '96 as the beginning of the end. It was so easy to listen to music from 92-96. You chould like 60 bands and they could all be good. It wasnt even hard. You could turn on Mtv and find new, quality music. Even as I type this it sounds like nonsense, but I know it was true.

    I saw Spacehog in Houston (maybe in 96). It was the year they released "The Chinese Album" to little acclaim. They closed a day long festival with 20K people…after the Foo Fighters. So the Foo's left the stage, as did the crowd and Spacehog played to about 1000 kids in a venue made for the masses. I stuck around for 2 or 3 songs but they were obviously pissed and just phoning it in.

    PS
    I never heard from you last week. I assume you got my email. I am free in the evenings to go over secret plans.

  41. John D'arc
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Let's all go to my van and smoke raisins.

  42. sumit5591
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I gave up on lost man. I downloaded three HD seasons of that shit and I don't even want to think about how many hours of my life were wasted on it. I'm not touching season 4. I'm pretty sure the writers get drunk all the time and then just start making shit up.

  43. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Home skillet? Hmmm I must find a way to intigrate that into a Jimmy Dean commercial

  44. Loren
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I guess I wasn't the only one that thought that Lost episode was a little much.

  45. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Wasn't this in Myst? You had to travel to the Oasis-ship age and find the code to arrange some levers to change the frequency to play Wonderwall to unlock the vault that held the page that completed the book that allowed Sam Beckett to return to his home in D'ni?

    And whaddya mean Bakula has to repent for Enterprise??? That was a great show…I mean…it wasn't bad–it had Suliban and Xindi and…well…and…there was Trip and T'Pol…and…and…oh, fuck it. You're right. Bakula should apologize to everyone.

  46. josh5363
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    i'm gonna have to find a scanner… i've got a few photos from the time laying around. and i really do look a hell of a lot like joel does in the comic, except with (awful) glasses.

  47. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Abe!
    That's my slave name square!
    Captain Lavender…

  48. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I understand your frustration. Season 1 was some sort of tv-geek miracle. It really changed my expectations of what was possible with the television medium. They flew too close to the sun. There was no way to maintain that momentum.

    "I'm pretty sure the writers get drunk all the time and then just start making shit up."

    Ummm… that's sort of how every show gets written.

  49. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    NEW! Jimmy Dean Home Skillets. Eggs, bacon, sausage, gravy, chedder cheese, 2500 calories and 1500 mg of sodium! It will literally murder you with flavor!

  50. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I really enjoyed it. I'll take "a little much" over "basically nothing" any day.

  51. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I remember that pipe-music tone puzzle in Myst perfectly. I was in 9th grade and a friend called me over to help because he was tone deaf.

    Enterprise had moments that felt like entertainment, but it never felt like star trek. I held out hope until George W. Archer went after the terrorists to smoke them out of their Xindi caves. I dont think they could have tried to cram a larger or more bitter metaphor down our throats than "Terrorist Attack! We thought we were invincible! We must retaliate! Cancel all other plans! We are at War!"

    The temporal cold war, was handled poorly and often not handled at all. The human/vulcan tension had potential but they basically made the Vulcans out to be dickweeds. The only characters that I identified as REAL star trek characters were Phlox, Admiral Shran (Geoffry Combs is the shit) and… no i guess thats it.

    Instead of enterprise they should have aired reruns of DS9. The ratings would have been better and the fans would still believe in the show.

  52. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I found several of me with the hair, and several of you with the look above, they were from 03-04. I got the dates all wrong.

  53. Chad
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Unrelated to this comic, save for the facial hair thing.

    Gary Gygax just died, can we expect a reference to this in the next comic?

  54. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I was thinking about it, but it seems like its going to be covered: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/03/04
    I know the impact D&D has had on the geek community but I never played myself. I dont want to pose as if I did.

  55. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    9th grade?? Yoiks!

    Won't hijack this entirely with Enterprise, but the last episode–killing off Trip for no reason–was just nasty and cruel. You're right about Phlox and Shran. (Just realized Shran=Re-Animator…cool!)

    Never could catch enough DS9 to keep track of the through story. But (bracing for attack) I thought Voyager was often excellent.

  56. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Shran made his mark on Trek as 3 characters on DS9 (3 fantastic characters at that) including Ferengi Chief Liquidator Brunt. He's also a very talented voice actor. He was The Question on JLU.

    Voyager was "often" excellent. There is no denying it. It was real Star Trek in every sense of the word. It went about a season too long if you ask me. Once janeway started dating a hologram I was pretty much over it. I think it also had the highest count (between TOS, TNG, and DS9) of completely unlikable primary characters. Tuvok was a dickwad, Tores had no depth, Harry Kim was a non-character, Chakote was a wet blanket. I just didnt feel ANYTHING about them. 7 of 9 saved that show in more ways than one. Janeway was a self righteous cyber-bitch but at least she provoked a response.

    Do yourself a favor and watch DS9. If you cant watch from the beginning, read a synopsis online and start with Season 3. Thats when it gets fantastic.

  57. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I had one of Mr. Dean's sausages today. It hurt my heart to move at all for a little while. No joke!

  58. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Don't forget Voyager's doctor (obnoxious); he was great! That's the thing about Voyager–at some point every character was shown how unlikeable they were, and they dealt with it, and they ended up…more interesting. Like when Neelix (annoying) confronts Tuvok, and Tuvok accepts his own "dickwadliness" with a cock of his eyebrow–that's what I loved about the show.

  59. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Actually that was a gross omission from my list. The Doctor (annoying that he may be) showed real character development of the course of the series. I guess you could make another list of characters that were indistinguishable from the first episode to the finale and those that really grew.

    Growers: Doc, 7, Tom?, Neelix?

    Stagnaters: Tuvok, Janeway, Harry, Chacote, Tores

    Kes doesnt count because her character was stupid and ended up turning into a Q or something and going crazy. That's change, but not character growth.

  60. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I dedicate this comment to the memory of Gary Gigax. (sniffles) Now he's playing D&D with god.

  61. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    http://www.woot.com/Blog/BlogEntry.aspx?BlogEntry...

  62. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Gygax is dead. isn't that like the fifth or fourth sign?

  63. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    You want growth from characters? You might have to turn to South Park (You know, I learned something today…)

    But your lists sound about right. I might be inclined to add Tores to the "grow" list, but she could also revert back to her early behavior for plot purposes at any time.

    Did you ever see the episode when Kes comes back…and she's PISSED!? Talk about unconvincing and random changing of a character to create a plot. Hate when shows do that…

  64. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Yep. Theres a man with a goat-head at my door beckoning me into a swirling vortex of sorrow. Later guys.

  65. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Yeah, that "resolution" to the Kes story line was pointless and only served to damage the character. Her original outro was similar to Wesley's. "Im off to explore alternate dimensions! Dont wait up!"

  66. aj5558
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I had meant to ask this when you originally posted this, but did you have a buck/gapped tooth back then?

  67. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Oh yeah. I had extensive orthodontic work.

  68. Pol88
    October 22nd, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    We consider these assertions in turn. ,

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