Battleship: The Movie, The Game, The Breakfast Cereal
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February 25th, 2008

Battleship: The Movie, The Game, The Breakfast Cereal

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Ever hungry for new (old) intellectual properties to exploit, Universal is now working on taking classic Hasbro board games like Monopoly and Battleship to the big screen. I only foresee positive outcomes. I want these movies greenlit, and rushed into production so I can enjoy them by X-Mas. In fact, I’m so enthusiastic that I’m pitching my own spin on these movies and a few others to the studios later this month:

Monopoly: Matt Damon is an up and coming real estate executive that uncovers a nefarious plot by his firm to destroy all of their competition. Ends with climactic train, car, top hat chase through the Boardwalk.

Uno – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are rival card sharks in Mexico. A tale of sex, action and intrigue. You can cut the sexual tension between them with a single card.

Connect 4 - A family (2 brothers and 2 sisters) separated at birth must cross the country to reunite after their biological mother’s death. In finding each other they find themselves. Sundance 2008. Fox Searchlight will produce. Stars are Philip Seymour Hoffman, Paul Giamatti, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Hillary Swank. Meryl Streep in the mom in a flashback.

Jenga – Gripping, too-real tale of the heroes, heroines and horrors of 9/11 (you were thinking it too).

Risk – Clint Eastwood directs. Its 14 hours long. Donnie Wahlberg and Ron Livingston star.

Guess Who – Ben Afleck has a list of 40 individuals, some with glasses, some with brown hair, only one of them is the killer. Can he “Guess Who” before they strike again?

Speaking of board games: if you are into them and would like to try something new, check out Cheap Ass Games. They are, well, inexpensive games that generally require you to provide the game pieces, dice, etc. from other games you have around the house.

Personal favorites are:

Kill Dr. Lucky - It’s like Clue in reverse. You must find a room and a weapon and murder the good doctor without anyone seeing)

Captain Park’s Imaginary Polar Expedition – You did not go on a fascinating polar expedition, but you must convince the wealthy elite that you did with tails of daring do and false artifacts.

U.S. Patent Number 1 – Build your time machine, outfit it with weaponry then race your rivals to the patent office, not only to be the first to patent the time machine, but also the first to patent ANYTHING!

My friend, Wes, introduced me to Cheap Ass Games about 7 years ago. They are inventive, imaginative and quite funny. Simpler and cheaper than Halo, they offer a pretty good way to spend an afternoon.

Any other ideas for board game movies? Post yours in the comments.

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^ 93 Comments...

  1. Tiago
    October 21st, 2008 at 5:04 am

    Too bad the movies probably won't be that good :|

  2. hijinksensue
    December 4th, 2008 at 7:42 am

    That game is crazy fun but takes hours to play.

  3. Shiyiya
    December 4th, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    I have US Patent No. 1! (the game. Not the patent.)

  4. Shiyiya
    December 5th, 2008 at 11:46 am

    I don’t think we’ve actually ever got round to playing it…. I just know we have it.

    We have a hell of a lot of games, actually.

  5. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Reminds me of the Boggle Tournament on King of the Hill. I bet these people freak when the new dictionaries come out, so they can add the dozen new words every year to their arsenal.

  6. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Also, "Triple Nerd Score"

  7. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Im not convinced Harrison Ford in in that movie or even knows about it. Just just reskinned Jar Jar.

  8. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Im assuming we are talking another obscure card game and not an (h)awesome NES game.

  9. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I didnt even remember him being in that.

  10. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I've never heard of Grandizer but it appears to be a (Sort of) spin off of Mazinger Z or "Tranzor Z" in the states. I was HUGE fan when I was a kid. There was a girl robot that shot her boobs as missiles.

  11. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aphrodite_A#Weapons

  12. Chad
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Pretty sneaky, sis.

  13. John D'arc
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    You write these as jokes.

    I see them as GOLD.

  14. John D'arc
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    though I suggest for Guess Who? "uh, I GUESS he has a big nose"

  15. aj5558
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Coordinates! Colored pegs! A precise grid-like ocean! This has BOX OFFICE GOLD written all over it!

    I wonder if they'll cast William Fitchner?

  16. revjim
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Ready to form Comment! Activate interlocks! Dyna-therms connected. Infra-cells up; mega-thrusters are go! Let's go, Comment Force!

  17. sean5359
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Mille Bornes, starring Gerard Depardieu as a father trying to take his family on a cross-country trip, while enduring such hazards as flat tires, speed limits and red lights. Basically, it's "Vacation" with funny accents.

  18. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Just don't tell Hollywood. They might actually make one of them.

  19. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    hah! He would be perfect.

  20. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    hah! He would be perfect.

  21. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    And I'll form…. The Thread!

    Vultron? Anyone? Vultron?

  22. revjim
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Brilliant, sir.

  23. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    For the rest of us: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mille_Bornes

    Audrey Tattou would have to play his way-too-young-for-him love interest.

  24. Ty
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Sorry!!

  25. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    For?

  26. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Oh the game!

  27. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Any money says Shia Lebouff is going to be in it.

  28. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Parchesi!

  29. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Didn't National Lampoon do that movie already?

  30. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Thats a classic strategy. The Orangutan Gambit.

  31. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Yes, and Im not kidding (youll hear it on the new podcast) Eli saw "Rusty from European Vacation" at the Horrow Con. How does that make sense?

  32. Continuity Nazi
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Wait… I'm looking at the admiral's board and he has hits on C2 through C5. Why did he say B6? Hollywood probably won't catch that either.

    you d00ds rock.

  33. MilkAndchase
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Se if you can get George over at ILM to do the special effects!

  34. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I read that as "PEACHES!" So I was going to respond, "APRICOTS!!!"

  35. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Now the debate is do I fix the board or the text? Seems like the kind of accident you'd see in a Michael Bay Movie.

  36. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Nah, he'd rob the project of all it's soul. Maybe Zoic or Weta.

  37. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    He plays the plucky deck hand that wasnt counting on adventure but sure as hell he got it. Also he gets the girl… lets say shes the generals daughter. This really isnt that hard.

  38. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I come from a land down under!

  39. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Sorry to seem like a comment whore but, Candyland the musical starring Jonny Depp. Too obvious?

  40. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I saw another blog that said Candyland would make a great scary Tim Burton animated Film. Depp would obviously be the voice of the Candy Cane guy.

  41. mikey5538
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I remember that game pretty well. It was awesome to collect the driving gloves and the non-deflatable tires– Hot diggity, that game was _so_ french, it kills me. It's about speeding and reckless driving FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.

  42. sean5359
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I was a big Grandizer fan, although I've never met anyone else who actually watched it.

  43. sean5359
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Eric Idle *DID* get pretty bloody.

  44. Loren
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I can't wait for scrabble the movie.

  45. sean5359
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Thank you! So I'm not the only one who played obscure French card games.

  46. mikey5538
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    My family used to play it all the time because 9 year olds can't win games like that. How did Contra never get made into an awesome movie?

  47. larnsturt6109
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Dunno, man, I can slip the treatment into his mailbox next time I go to the store.

    I'd like to see the LucasArts approach on ATMOSFEAR the best interactive board game since EMM.

    Then again…I did see the Indy trailer and was less than impressed.

  48. sean5359
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I recently saw the documentary "Word Wars", which follows 4 VERY competitive Scrabble players. It's kind of funny and sad at the same time.

  49. doug5364
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Too late. Each of your projects have been greenlighted. And in order to avoid paying you anything, they've made a slight alteration to each plot: the addition of an orangutan sidekick.

  50. Larnsturt
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Actually, he's played by Andy Serkis in a mocap suit. They're just going to matte him in using old paparazzi photos and Jimmy Kimmel videos. If you look closely, you can sometimes spot Calista Flockhart's ribcage, erm, torso hovering beside him.

  51. larnsturt6109
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

  52. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    She should be played by Serkis. She bares a close resemblance to Golem.

  53. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Where the beer does flow and the men chunder? (women too)

    Your friends don't dance and if they don't dance then they're no friends of mine? Wait….

  54. revjim
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Self Love in the form of a Self Reply.

  55. revjim
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Hooray. Links go straight to the comment being read now. HOORAY!

  56. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    They do appear to, don't they.

  57. revjim
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I was on the phone with them last night regarding this. He said it was coming REAL soon. I didn't realize it'd be THIS soon. :)

  58. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    So you havent totally given up on them?

  59. revjim
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    No. Not at all. Quite the contrary actually. I think they are in a great position to really change the way this space in the market works. I think DisqUS is well poised too, though. ID will have reply-to-email in the very near future. At that point, it'll all be about who does what first. :)

  60. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I would like the option to reply to all comments directly from the dashboard without reloading or refreshing anything.

  61. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    That sounds dirty for some reason.

  62. revjim
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    In my long list of feature requests, that is one of them. It'd be nice to be able to delete, moderate and otherwise administer comments from each post on my blog as well. That way, however, I manage to get to it I have full control.

    And that "Comment History" page in the Dashboard could use some work. As it is now, since the comments on my blog don't link me there, I have to remember the name of the post I want to administer comments on, and then scroll through the alphabetized list until I find it. Not good.

    (FYI… at the time of this writing, DisqUS allows for both of the things I mentioned. So administration is a bit easier because of it. Of course, that could change tomorrow.)

  63. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Shia Lebouff as one of the kids.

  64. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Eli just smiles and gives me a vegimite sandwitch.

  65. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Ants in the Pants!

  66. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    lol… though I will say, Transformers was kick-ass.

  67. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    I think Depp would be too predictable; Mr. Mint would be too close to a reprise of Willy Wonka.

  68. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Don't patronize me just because I choose to…. OHHH you meant the game. Disregard what I just said.

  69. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Hey, what you choose to shove down your pants on your time is your business. Now, I'm just gonna sit over here on this wet cold bologna while I wear my assless chaps and listen to Neil Diamond because, well, that's what gets me goin' in the morning. (Nevermind the fact that it's 11pm.) (I said NEVERMIND.)

  70. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    The girl from Little Ms. Sunshine, for sure.

  71. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Wait, which board game is that? Was that a special edition of Trivial Pursuit?

  72. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Now you're talkin'.

    Also, Mr. Belvedere as Gloppy the Chocolate Monster.

  73. josh5363
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    you shall thrice lay me!

  74. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    NEVERRRR HEARD OF VEGEMITE?!

    I'll make ya a sammy.

  75. deanhatescoffee
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    There was something similar to that for Trivial Pursuit, but I was specifically referring to Chaps Bologna Twister: Neil Diamond Edition.

  76. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Left cheek red!

  77. aj5558
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    And maybe John Malkovich as his superior…

    Sorry, I just realized I broke into the Top 10 commentors and had to do an extra reply to secure my spot there >D

  78. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    People I think we just created the perfect candyland movie. Directed by Spielberg

  79. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Im not feeling Malkovich. Maybe Ed Harris

  80. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Hmm I thought we were playing monopoly. This game sucks.(Screams and flips board over ky jelly and oscar myer bologna go everywhere)

  81. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Mmm tasty. THANK YOU JOEL :)

  82. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Im sure it goes without saying, but its Vegemite on toast.

  83. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Rounding out the cast:
    * The Gingerbread People – various midgets
    * Gramma Nutt – George's mom from Seinfeld
    * King Kandy – Lawrence Fishburne
    * Jolly – (who the fuck is Jolly)
    * Mama Ginger Tree – The mom from Everybody Love raymond
    * Princess Lolly – Scarlett Johansen
    * Queen Frostine – Tilda Swinton

    I smell Oscar! and CANDY!

  84. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    You got KY in my bologna!
    You got Bologna in my KY!
    …

  85. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Talking like a true PR person for a sec, I think this movie will go over well because of all the fat kids. I mean candyland come on their not only gonna go for the candy but the promise of a land made out of it. GENIOUS!

  86. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    So first you make me a sammich, then I get ky in your bologna. Hmm ya know this sounds kinda like we just had gay sex.

  87. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Right Penis Blue? I have no idea.

  88. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    If you want to view paradise… simply look around and view it.

  89. mysterioust5403
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    This is soooo wrong but soooo right all at the same time. Wait… am I gay now? I think it would be ok if you just had that very sexy mustache that you had in the newest comic.

  90. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Game over. You win.

  91. aj5558
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Good one!

  92. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Jude Law.

  93. hijinksensu5337
    February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Kangaroos! Wallabes! Oi Oi Oi!

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