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Jurassic Park 4: Freakin’ Dinosaurs with Freakin’ Laser Beams
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The pitch meeting goes something like this:
First Guy: How about we strap guns to the dinosaurs heads like in that 80’s cartoon DinoRiders!
Studio Exec. Guy: I love it! Get this man a solid gold prostitute!
Lesson 1: You stupid motherfuckers. Stop reanimating dinosaurs. It always leads to disaster.
After seeing Jurassic Park in middle school, I fully believed in that dinosaurs could be be reborn by having rain forest frogs hump mosquito DNA in a petri dish. But even at that tender age I assumed that the only reason no one was running out to collect frogs and mosquito blood and some Barry White CD’s was that once they succeeded all of their friends and family would get eaten.
Kindly refer back to Lesson 1. That’s the only lesson of that movie. That and to reinforce that when Samuel L. Jackson is NOT the star of the movie he WILL be killed by a dinosaur or a mutant shark or a by a Sith Lord. He will not survive to regale you with tales of how he narrowly escaped the dinosaurs and sharks and such. Wasn’t he in Sphere too?
Anyway, the point is after your Dino-speriments go all haywire and eat everybody on your island once, don’t keep putting them on an island and expecting positive results.
The Lost Word: Jurassic Park (0r JP2 ) started the downward trend for this franchise. Honestly. the Jurassic Park Sega Genesis game was 100 times better than this movie (you could play as the raptor!).
Jurassic Park 3: Raptors develop language. The language of love. And only William H. Macey can teach them to conjugate those verbs… I’ev got nothing… nevermind.
As for the comic, why didn’t I go with DinoRiders? Too obvious. Too easy. Plus Dinosaucers was a much better cartoon with a far superior theme song. You want a perfect scenario? You, your sister and your two teenage douchebag friends are hanging out on a mountain somewhere (probably getting high) and fucking dinosaurs from outer space land in a space ship, deputize you in their secret war, give you magic rings, rad letterman jackets AND hover bikes. Fuck Captain Planet. This is the team I want to join.
Tags: 1980s cartoons, dinoriders, dinosaucers, jurassic park, movies, samuel l. jackson
August 20th, 2007 at 11:20 am
DINOSAUCERS!!! That’s what it is! I watched the shit out of that when I was a kid but never could remember the name of the show!
Thank you, Joel, for unlocking the door to my childhood.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:54 am
@That Asian
Dont make me pull out some “Centurions” or “Tiger Sharks” or “Silver Hawks” up in here.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Thank God I got my net back. There’s a shitload of new comics, and dinosaurs. It’s like Christmas, but with dinosaurs and Sam Neil.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
Wow…Dinosaucers….I totally used to watch the shit outta that.
More comics please. I can’t help it, I’m greedy.
August 20th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
@Required Name
“Like Christmas, but with dinosaurs”?
Your Christmas doesnt ALWAYS have dinosaurs?
@Erin
A) Where is your portfolio. I must see if I approve of your life’s work.
2) IMGOINGASFASTASICAN!!!!
August 20th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
OMG Dinosaucers…. that was how i spent every morning before school.
August 20th, 2007 at 6:17 pm
@BT
There was a period where every morning for me consisted of that weird Peter Pan remake cartoon, and Pirates of Dark Water.
August 21st, 2007 at 12:53 am
great comics. let’s hear it for the Dino-Men.
no, really.
August 21st, 2007 at 1:42 pm
@Joe
Thanks! Though I not even going to pretend to understand what Dino-Men are.
September 3rd, 2007 at 10:48 am
Silverhawks Forever, I use to have all their shows on beta….damn I feel old.
September 3rd, 2007 at 11:05 am
@ Rusty
Wow. Beta. Yikes.
I didnt have any of that but I had most of the Silverhawks action figures and their spaceship “The Mirage.”
September 17th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Dinosaucers reference! Dinosaucers reference! You guys are so awesome to capitalize on the childhood nostalgia of 20-somethings like me in order to garner fans. The crazy thing is that I mean that.
September 18th, 2007 at 11:25 am
@jackson
That still sounds about 43% sarcastic, but I will take your word for it. Im not really intentionally trying to capitalize on 80’s nostalgia. If anything Im capitalizing on my own childhood. I just make comics about stuff that I think is funny. I came up on 80’s cartoons and toys so I think about those things pretty often.
Either way it sounds like you enjoy the comic, and thats all I really care about.
November 30th, 2007 at 9:37 pm
[...] for twisting the wound on my recycled artwork. I love the dinosaur at the end. A reference to this, [...]
December 14th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Never saw dinosaucers, so my favorite dino-like creature was the one that shot rocks out of his head-snout on the Herculoids.
March 10th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Hmmmm…whoever saw this strip must also have been influenced for that awful Dragon Wars import movie…lizards with rocket launchers indeed!
March 10th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
D-War! I never saw it because Im not a fan of horrible horrible pain.